I want To Live a Healthy and Happy Life

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

Yesterday I wrote to you about one of the superficial "whys" that seem to drive a lot of what I decide on in life.  I talked to you about my need to feel that other people perceive me as a cool dude.  I say it's superficial because if you think about it,  having that value actually leads to being someone who would like to fit in.  How does one fit in?  One fits in by buying the latest gadgets that come out in the market even if you don't really have a need for the new gadget.   It also means following the latest fashion trend even if what you used to wear actually still works.   Largely for me - being cool actually means buying stuff.   But it doesn't end there.   Being cool also means not expressing my disagreement with people who are the "powers that be" even if they are wrong.

So today - I have come to realize - that as much as this value has actually been what I have used as a compass in my journey in life - I think I just have to throw it away.  It is time to throw away the value of "coolness".

The problem that I now face though is that when I throw this away,  I feel naked.  It's like I don't really have anything to show for now - because other people's opinion - which guided my life is no longer the guide that I choose for my life.   So what should I follow now?

To answer this question,  I had to ask myself why I have progressively been asking for answers on how to live a better life.  I actually realized - that the momentum has actually started over two years ago.   It started  when my niece - our niece - who was eight years old then was diagnosed with cancer.   As you can imagine - that was devastating for us in her family.   The thing is - when that news broke out,  I started reading to see how someone can deal with a disease like that.  You know what I learned?  I learned that the disease that we call cancer - is one which actually develops,  when one's body starts to attack itself.  I am not a doctor - so I'm sure that this statement will sound too simplistic.  But think about it.  Cancer cells are actually cells that mutated into "little monsters" inside  a patient's body - starting to attack the healthy cells around it.

So in my quest to actually figure out how to deal with the disease of my niece,  I came across so many written articles about ensuring that we help my niece to get her healthy cells to stand up against the cancer cell.  We need to get her healthy cells to be stronger.   I'll tell you four important actions, that a cancer patient needs to take to get healthy:

- Eat healthful food.    Vegetables - green and leafy ones can help the body build the strength to get their healthy cells stronger.

- Stop poisoning the body.   Right now,  we actually feed ourselves with so much chemicals not by taking poison straight from the bottle.  We do it by ingesting processed food.   A lot of food items that come in a box or in a plastic bag are actually mixed with chemicals that in their native form will scare any human being from ingesting them.

- Build a healthy mind.  The mind controls everything in our body.  If our mind is sluggish and overtaken by stress, it can't come up with the necessary actions to help your body to choose to get well.

- Build a happy heart.   Our feelings need to be filled with all the positive feelings.   Stress and sadness actually causes our body to build up toxic chemicals within our body.  These toxic chemicals feed the mutated cells that we call cancer.  Moreover - these toxic chemicals actually cause your healthy cells to weaken.

The thing is,   with all this knowledge,  I am unable to figure out how to impart this knowledge to a child.   She is a smart kid and I know that she can actually understand half of what I will tell her - but I realized that if I was going to help my niece - the best way to teach her is to actually be the best example for her.   So I decided that I should actually practice the four items that I mentioned above - and I have progressively made bigger and bigger decisions in my life to be the Super Human with healthy cells.

So - what's the point of telling this story?  I am telling you this story because I'm starting to realize that this my why.   My why is to actually live a great life so I can be the best model to my niece - so she can live a wonderful life full of passion which will in turn help her keep her healthy cells strong.  I need to be the positive influcence in her life so she can choose to live a life with a healthy mind and a happy heart.

I know that I rambled through this letter - and I apologize for that.   The ideas are just flowing out as I type this letter - and I have not had a chance to organize it.  I ask that you stay patient with me and I believe that as we continue on this journey - we will really discover the life that we can live - not just for ourselves - but also for the people who matter to us.

With all my Happy Heart,

The Forty Year Old You

I Want to Be Cool. I'm Afraid of being Uncool

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

You are a cool dude.  People seem to be drawn to your charisma.  In fact when you take the Strength Finders test - you will discover that one of your key strengths is Woo.  People you meet think that you find it easy to relate to people - even those you just met.  You love this strength.  I will actually say that you thrive in your life because you think you are the coolest dude in the community that you live in.

Thing is - because this is how you perceive yourself,  any activity that you perceive that will lessen your cool factor just terrifies you.  You like singing - and you remember enjoying the moments when you sing in the church choir.  However - you stopped this because you felt that as much as you like singing,  it just gets too embrassing to be surrounded by these church people who are not the typical people that you think a cool guy like you should hang out with.  This is why you stopped singing with Church choirs.   This is why you stopped singing in public altogether.

The above example is just one of the examples that I can think of which contributes to your inability to finding your passion.

You may ask why I'm bringing this up now.   I have thought about it because one of my first assignments for the first module of Live Off your Passion is to answer this question:

Identify one of the excuses that relates most to your situation and write down one positive reason why it might be nothing more than just that - a hollow excuse.

So the excuse that I thought was most applicable to my situation is:

I don't know what I'm passionate about.

I don't even fully grasp what passion actually means.  If you ask me, is there something that I do that I really enjoy doing - I will have three answers for you:  Singing,  Speaking to an audience,  having deep conversations with people.  I enjoy doing those things - but is that passion?

The second half of that assignment is to identify a reason why this statement of "I don't know what I'm passionate about" may just be an excuse.  Here is my answer to that question (for now):

I think that the truth that I may actually be saying that I don't know what I'm passionate about is that I find people who do passionate things corny.  Or at least - when I'm surrounded by my friends - I act as if I find passionate people corny.  In the Filipino language - we find them "baduy".  They can be off-putting.  As I said above - at the start of this letter,  you and I have put so much value in being perceived as the cool guy that it is very hard for us to want to do things that will make us uncool.   And being a person who acts on his passion can really be uncool.

Now - let me tell you this - that passionate people are actually not uncool.  In fact - the reason why I have been drawn to the blog "Live your Legend" and the blog "Nerd Fitness"  and the blog "Zen Habits" is that I really thought the guys who write these blog are so cool.  I think they are rock stars.  But if they are rock stars - why do I think that being like them will be "baduy"?

For now - I am not sure i can answer that question.   I will actually continue with the course and see if I find the answer.  I really hope that I find the answer because I am hoping that finding it can be one of the keys to door that keeps me from Living off of my Passion (whatever that may be ).

WIth much Love,

Your Forty Year Old Self

I Started Following Live Your Legend

Dear Thirty Year old me,

A couple of weeks ago,  I read a heartfelt post from Leo Babauta's blog: Zen Habits about the grief that he felt from the death of his friend Scott Dinsmore.  I have never heard of Scott before then.   To be honest - it is odd that I have not discovered him in the past because three other blogs that I follow are run by good friends of Scott:  Nerd Fitness,  JamesClear.com,  and The Art of NonConformity.   I don't know why I have not discovered Live Your Legend before Scott's death - I will not bother to try to understand that - but what's important for you to understand is that after discovering his blog,  I jumped in and read through his posts voraciously.

As I write this,  I am actually going through a paid course that I bought from Live Your Legend.   The course's name is Live Off Your Passion.  The course was worth $ 197.   To be honest - I'm not sure if this is going to be money well spent.  However - after reading Scott's and his friends' posts on how each and everyone of them are living lives where they actually get to earn a living from something they're passionate about,  I decided - why not take a chance on that $197 and see what I can learn from the course?

So I took a chance and bought the course.  I watched the introduction from Scott.  I watched his TED talks where he talked about how someone can live and earn from doing what they are passionate about.   I watched a video of Simon Sinek called How Great Leaders Inspire Action.  These videos,  the words that Scott wrote - spoke to my core.  I want that life.   I want the life where I can actually truly say that I am doing what I'm passionate about.   Take note that as much as I do want to earn from this endeavor - in my heart of hearts,  I know that this encounter with Scott's blog has awakened this feeling inside of me that had laid dormant.   I remember,  when I was younger that I had visions of myself being a great man - a man who helped others.   It had laid dormant because life happened - I started working,  I had a family to support,  I had debt to pay,  I had a lifestyle to sustain.   And so as I aged from being the bright eyed twenty year old gung-ho and inspired to do great work --- I grew older and I reached the age of 30 and that bright eyed me as you know has changed into this weary soul.   I'm telling you - I really hope that with this hard earned $ 197 that I spent on the Live Off Your Passion course,  I will be able to discover that bright eyed man that I used to be.

I will keep you posted.   This may actually be one helluva ride.

Truly Yours,

Your Four Year Old Self

The Mañana Habit

Dear Thirty Year old Me,

In my previous e-mail,  I confessed that I am a Procrastinator.  I have proclaimed to the whole world that I have the mañana habit.  In this entry, I would like to explain to you my reasons for trying to kick the habit.

1. Mañana/Procrastination is an expensive Habit.

I used to be a smoker.  I'm happy to say that it's one bad habit that I successfully got out of my system since the year 2010.  It was an expensive Habit - a pack a day can lead to expenses of up to 1,200 pesos a month.

That is actually nothing to the expense that I incur from the Mañana habit.  Let's start with the late fees that I often pay for my bills.  I have actually paid so many late fees for my credit card, my electricity, mobile phone subscription, and internet fees.

Apart from the late fees - I also incur unnecessary expenses from not terminating services that I no longer use.  For example ( and this one I'm working on ) - I left my previous house in June 2013.  Up to now, I have not disconnected my phone and internet service.   So it's been 7 months that I've been paying for a phone and internet service that I am not using.

2.  Procrastination Leads to Unnecessary Stress That Poses Danger to my Health

I have expressed in my previous post that from the outside looking in - you may actually think that I do not have problems with Procrastination.  I am a successful guy.  Most of the bosses that I worked for love working with me and they love the result of my work.

Unbeknownst to my bosses - most of the time - I actually have to spend sleepless nights two to three days prior to my deadlines when I turn in my work.  This could be the annual budget for next year.  It could be the written appraisal for my team.   The output is typically superior ( although every time I wish and I knew that I could have done better.   Sleepless nights are not good for my health.  Those sleepless nights and the act of cramming also leads to me skipping my lunch and eating snacks that are not good for my health.

3.  Postponing decisions Causes Lost Opportunities

Back in the year 2000 - I was convinced by a very persuasive real estate agent to invest on a condominium unit in Makati.  It had easy monthly payment terms.  The problem is that after 2 years - I will have to pay for the unit.  You can actually get a loan for that if the monthly payments that I paid prior to that was equivalent to at least 20% of the total amount of the loan.  Unfortunately - the easy monthly payment terms were just 15% of the amount that I needed.  So I cannot get a loan from the bank.   I could have addressed this by saving up on my own --- but saving money is another problem that a procrastinator has.  Long story short - I defaulted on the investment - and I forfeited the money that I have already paid for the property.

The same thing happened to some insurance and retirement investment that I ended up defaulting because I let the monthly payments go past due.

4.  I am not Getting Any Younger

People say that age is just a number --- but it is a significant number.   At my current age - I will be at retirement age sooner that we all think.  If I don't get my financials and my life in order --- I may end up without money to spend when I do retire.

Moreover - the fountain of youth has not been discovered.  As one ages - our body could not handle the same amount of stress that we used to be able to handle when we were young.   My biological clock is going TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK - and it's telling me that I really don't have time to just waste the time that I have.

These are the four main reasons why I want to kick the habit.  I want to get things done timely.  I want to face the Procrastination monster and look into it's eyes and say - "I am going to defeat you."

With much Love,

The forty year old you

Why do I Procrastinate

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

When dealing with problems - it's good to look for the root cause.  In the case of my procrastination problem - I've tried so many times in the past to deal with it by telling myself that if I just gain the "discipline" to get things done on time,  I will solve this problem.  Since I'm writing this blog right now - you may actually have realized that this approach wasn't successful.   So I told myself - I need help in understanding the nature of the beast.   What is it about procrastination that makes it difficult for me to solve?

Like any civilized person in our day and age - who is trying to solve a problem - the first thing that I did was to google the following:  "How can I solve my Problems with Procrastination?".   There were many entries that appeared but what caught my eye is the book: "Procrastination, Why You Do It and What to Do About it Now".   The book was originally written and published in 1983 and was republished in 2008.  The concepts that the authors talked about in 1983 were still relevant ( if not more relevant ) in the year that we live in.   For someone like me - Procrastination has become much more of a problem - especially with the distractions that are presented by the Internet.

Reading the book,  there were so many times that I actually felt that I was part of the community of people that the authors (Jane Burka and Leonora Yuen) spoke to when they were conducting their study.  It was as if they were reading my mind during those moments that I procrastinate.  One good example is when they wrote about the Procrastinator's Code - which I am publishing in this entry. 

      I must be perfect.

      Everything I do should go easily and without effort.

      It's safer to do nothing than to take a risk and fail.

      I should have no limitations.

      If it's not done right,  it's not worth doing at all.

      I must avoid being challenged.

      If I succeed someone will get hurt.

      If I do well this time,  I must always do well.

      Following someone else's rule means I'm giving in and I'm not in control.

      I can't afford to let go of anything or anyone.

      If I show my real self, people won't like me.

      There is a right answer, and I'll wait until I find it.

(Lifted from the book: Procrastination, Why you Do It, and What to do About it Now )

As I read these statements,  I actually understood why I have a horrible time kicking the Manana Habit.  Growing up,  my family ( and in the Filipino context - that actually means extended family ), values perfection.   When I was in High School - my uncles will chide me for studying and being engrossed in school - when they know that I'm a smart kid - and I can get by with high grades even if I don't prepare for exams.  My family ( and as I got older - even myself ) - will look down at the students who gets good grades because they worked hard.   We ended up thinking that we are "Privileged" and we shouldn't be working too hard because we have God-given gifts.

This lead me to believe that if I don't have a natural talent for something - or my natural talent will not get the best product/result - I'd rather not do it.  Unfortunately - as one grows up you face situations where you need to get things done that is outside of your God-given gifts.  

I never admitted this before ---- but after I read the book --- I realized that I'm not very good in failing.   Looking back at my childhood - I can think of a key moment that may have scarred me for life.   When I was in 3rd and 4th grade - I finished first in class.  On my 5th year - someone else in my class was just better and worked harder - and I ended up 2nd in class.  My father saw that as a failure.   He refused to pin my 2nd place medal.   I was disappointed and deeply hurt.  I actually worked hard for that 2nd place finish - as I said - the one who got first place was just better.

From then on - I started to be afraid of exerting full effort in my academics.   I started to distract myself from it by going to extra-curricular activities.  I was part of the Glee club - and I enjoyed being "excused" from classes to practice for the Glee club.  Of course - if you're not in class - you have an excuse when you don't get 100 items right in your exam.   From there - my father thought that what's causing my inability to get good grades is the Glee club --- and it was no longer about my abilities.  Long story short - I ended up 2nd place - which surprisingly was ok with my father because in the end - I wasn't giving it my all.

As a grown up - these memories still haunt me.   It isn't a conscious thought - but I do know that I ended up delaying execution of tasks till the last minute - for activities that I am not sure I will be successful with.   I don't want to disappoint someone - so I end up delaying crucial conversations.   I am not sure - I will be good in golf - so I stopped taking golf lessons.   I will not approach someone I'm attracted to for fear of being rejected.

In the last couple of weeks - this realization has actually helped me a lot.  I still have important things that are undone.   The good news is that I've made progress in some of the to-dos that I was trying to forget I need to do.   I will attempt to write about the steps that I took to deal with the root cause of my procrastination problem.   Someone once said that a journey starts with a single step ( forward ) - and I took those steps.

With much Love,

The Forty Year old You

If you are dealing with the same problem that I have - I encourage you to ask yourself what goes through your mind when you want to put off an activity?   From there - it can definitely help you figure out the energy that is feeding the Procrastination beast.  If you find that energy and stop it from flowing - you will have a better chance of taking the necessary steps to once and for all stop the Procrastination monster from hounding you.

Thinking of Worst Case Scenario

Dear Timmy,

Since I started writing my letters to you,  I successfully addressed three things in my life that had been haunting me prior to the end of last year.   They were tasks that I have been putting off.   Two of them had something to do with work and one was a personal one.

One of the things that I was putting off - was contacting my former land lady for the refund of my security deposit.  After moving out from my previous house,  I kept on telling myself that I was going to call my land lady the week after but work became really busy and I wasn't able to contact my land lady immediately.  Last August - I thought of contacting her - but I had this irrational fear that I will not be able to get my refund and that I will get into an argument with the landlady.   There was no basis for my fear --- but I told myself that I was not ready for such a confrontation.

Months passed - and I told myself that I really didn't have anything to fear - and that I should really just call the landlady and get as much money as I could from my security deposit.  No need to argue with her on the final amount - just accept what she offers.  When I was already going to call her - I decided to hang up before it rings because I thought to myself - what if it's too late?  What if she will not give it to me - because I waited too long?

Last month - I got a text from her.  She asked why I have not contacted her for my security deposit refund?  She offered that if I prefer for her to just buy a Gucci bag with the money that she owes me - she'd be happy to do that.

I felt a great sense of relief when she contacted me.  Apparently - she was really puzzled that I waited for so long to get a significant amount of money.  

Looking back at this situation that I was in - I actually found that I tend to think of the worst scenario during these times that I procrastinate.   It starts with me being too lazy to act --- then as time passes by - it transforms to me thinking that I don't want to confront another person about being too lazy in the past.  I didn't want to be judged.

9 times out of 10 - I find that the worst case scenario that I tend to believe in my head - does not come true.  The fear that fuels my procrastination is really irrational.

If you are like me who encounter this in your life --- I suggest looking back at the times that you have actually procrastinated.   In those cases - when you finally acted on it --- did the worst case scenario that you imagined actually come true?   I'm sure that most of the time - it didn't.

For me --- I have used this knowledge - to deal with my problem in the past month.  When I think of the bad things that can come out of taking an action - I face the mirror - and I talk to myself.  I tell the person in the mirror --- that the reality is that what I fear - is not likely to happen.   I then listen to myself - and then I act.  Guess what!   I was right almost all of the time. The worst case scenario is just in my head. 

With much love,

The 40 year old you

Fighting The Signs of Aging

Dear Timmy,

I have been contemplating on this topic of aging.  It is often said that youth is wasted on the young.  I look back when I was young and I agree on this adage.  If I had the power to turn back time,  I will start a lot of habits that I am only starting now at the point in my life when some of the signs of aging are starting to be visible.  You know what I mean - the lines on my forehead that multiplies  every year.  The two strands of gray hair on my head which was not there before.  Speaking of hair - I've always had a great full head of hair but in the past two years - it has thinned and I wonder if the hot showers are to be blamed.

The funny thing is - strangers are usually surprised when I tell them that I am forty one years old. They tell me that I don't look forty one.  I ask them - what should forty one look like?  To this they respond - definitely not like you.  So - I look younger than my age - or younger than most people my age.  I thank these strangers for their kind words and feel good about myself for two minutes, look in the mirror and notice the two strands of gray hair and remind myself - that I should hold on to this youthful look for as long a I can.

You are familiar with the story of Dorian Grey.  He is a man who remained youthful for a long time - while his painting and/or photograph aged.  In the real world, someone who is able to keep his youthful looks is said to benefit from the Dorian Grey effect.  I am hoping that my friend Dorian keeps me company for a very long time.

So my friend,  today I will share with you three things that you should start taking care of right now - to help us retain our youthful look well into our 50s and hopefully even in our sixties.   Taking care of these three things will go a long way in ensuring that people will continue to be surprised when we reveal to them our chronological age.

1.  The Skin

Science has definitely come  a long way in artificially giving people youthful skin.  I have friends who started getting Botox injections as early as their mid-30s.   I'm happy to share with you that I have not gone that route.  I am not sure if I will in the future - but right now - our genes and our daily routines are helping us stay away from Botox.

To start with - we have natually oily skin.  This helps a lot because it keeps our skin from drying up.  Your friends actually tell you that you should moisturize --- and that may be true for parts of your body that dry up - like your hands,  your legs and the area around your eyes.   However - applying a moisturizer on your face will do you harm than good.  You will get pimple break outs from the moisturizers that your friends are using.  What I have realized works for me is this "miracle" cream that my dermatologist has prescribed for me.  I asked her what is in her concoction and she told me that it's got tretinoin, AHA and a whole lot of other secret ingredients.

The other items that are important for taking care of our skin is sunscreen.  Sun damage can really cause the lines on your face to develop fast.   Your face will also be lackluster when you have continuous sun exposure.  Thank God we don't like being outdoors.  However - even when we spend most of our time indoors - it is still important to wear sunscreen all the time.

2.  Hair

There are two important characteristics of hair that can lead to youthful look.  One is the absence of grey hair.  The other is how full your head of hair is.   For a very long time,  we are able to resist the onset of grey hair. I noticed that whenever we get into a stressful situation - for a long period of time, a strand of gray hair appears on our forehead.   So avoid stress - or I guess the better advice is to be able to manage stress.   In future letters,  I will tell you my secret in managing stress.  And no - avoiding the cause of stress is not the solution.  Let's just say that facing our problems and solving it and asking for help to solve it is the best way to reduce the effects of stress on our body and our hair.

The other problem that we are now encountering is thinning hair.  For the longest time,  Papa ( our father ) has advised us strongly against using hot water when we shower.  I disregarded that advice.  When we moved to Baguio - I continued to shower with hot water --- which would have been OK if it we were just using it for our body --- but to use it to wash our hair turned out to be a big mistake.   A year into our stay in Baguio - we noticed our hair continued to thin.   That's when we started to listen to Papa's advice.  It slowed down the hair fall but it continued.   Thank heavens our dermatologist also had a remedy for this.  Note that I will not mention the product name because I'm not a doctor.  It's best to consult with a physician for this problem.

I have also switched shampoo.  This brand I can mention.  I am now using Lauat.  I found it in the drugstore and it promised that it will help eliminate hair fall.  I have been using it for a month and I'm happy to say that I do feel that my hair is thicker ever since I started using it.

3.  Muscle

I know that you just started working out.  Good for you.  That will help a lot in developing your self confidence.  In fact --- beefing up in our early thirties helped us transition from the ugly duckling to the not so ugly duckling that we discover ourselves to be in our late thirties.  However - it is in our forties that we transformed into the beautiful swan that I am.   Have patience my dear - you will reach this state.

Anyways - going back to the topic of muscle.  We both know that we get attracted to men who have a good physique.  So it is just natural that if those muscular men are attractive - if we are to continue to look attractive and young - we need to keep our muscle well into our old age.   The only way to do this is through resistance training.  You like running - and there's no harm in that - but if you want to look great - you need to cut down on the long distance running and invest your time in weight lifting.

Recently - I have learned that all along in my thirties - I focused on the wrong thing when I was lifting weights.  My weight training session was all about the pump - that awesome look that I get when I look in front of the mirror.  The problem is - as the day progressed - the pump goes away.   The mistake lies in the fact that I didn't structure my workout to progressively get stronger.   Today - I'm following a program by a man called Anthony Mychall.  He has a blog and his weights workout encourages those who are following it to progressively try to get stronger.  For example - if you do three sets of bench presses this week with 40 lbs.for each set and 5 reps per set.  The week after,  he instructs you to do 45 lbs on the first set with 4 reps and continue with 40 lbs for the second and third set.

Big jumps in weights and reps are mesmerizing when you start lifting weights.  The key to keeping a good toned/muscular body is to lift weights that are heavy enough for you to develop those muscles.  Look for help in this aspect ( maybe a personal trainer or advice from the many online communities that are dedicated to helping people like you ).

So Mr. Timmy,  that's it.  Those are the holy trinity of youthful looks - take care of the three of them and you will go on for years and years of looking younger than your chronological age.

With much Love,

The Forty Year old you