I Seek

Hands hold Stick

Blindfold on eyes

A Game to Seek

The paper beast

Stuffed White, Blue, Pink

With hidden treats

A voice speaks:

"Be smart, turn to your right." 

Am I smart? To the right, I turn. 

"Hit it."

Swing the stick with all my might. 

Swoosh! No hit.

An idiot,

Am I?

A voice speaks:

"Turn Left, my Love"

Am I loved?  I go to the left. 

"Hit it."

Swing the stick with all my might. 

Swoosh! No hit.

Unloved, 

Am I?

A voice speaks:

"Turn around, pretty one"

Another one speaks:

"Forward, my dear."

Am I Pretty?

Am I dear?

More voices speak

I follow Each

To be pretty,

To be loved

To be right

But each voice

Leads to Defeat

My arms are weak. 

I ask "What do I seek?" 

My heart speaks.

"Freedom, you seek,

Let go of stick. 

Let your eyes see

See what you seek."

I drop the stick,

I let my eyes see.

The voices that jeer

They're not here.

Mere Phantoms

That lead to defeat. 

Heart's voice is real.

It knows what I seek.

I seek to see

I seek to be free

I Died For You

I died for you.  The pain of our good byes tethered you to the pain of this world

This has stopped the endless drifting of the life that you lived  but not explored.

I died for you.  The tears you wept for me lifted the fog from your eyes.   

Now you see clearly this world and its beauty.   

Now you see clearly the faces of those who love you.

I died for you.  Falling through the depths of despair gave you wings.  

With these wings you fly free. 

I died for you.  In my death your soul awakened.  

My last breath was the blaring sound that jolted you from slumber.

I died for you.  When you lost your self in the shadow of grief,  the Divine found you.

I died for you. 

Now, live for me.

Thy Will be Done

Luis has come back to his favorite writing spot: the chair - next to the window which overlooks the big pine tree across the street.  This is day three that Luis has attempted to write but the page continued to be blank.

“Today is the day”.   Luis muttered.

He is experiencing writer’s block.  The first writer’s block that he has suffered since a short story he has written about a boy and his dog was  published in the local paper.

“Now that I am published.  This should be easier,  right?”  He’s trying to convince himself that this statement is true.

Of course - he knows that is a lie.    Being published - does not make writing easier. 

“Maybe I should call on to my muse.”  

He took the brass singing bowl that lies on the desk next to where he sat.  He closed his eyes.  He touched the wooden stick on the metal bowl and began to spin the stick around the bowl.   The bowl began to sing.  

Luis prayed, “Come my muse,  I need inspiration.   What should I write?”

Luis stopped spinning the stick - and the bowl went silent.  He then grabbed the pen and held it next to the paper.   He stared at the pen,  he held his breath.   He is trying to will the words to come out from the ink of his pen.

NOTHING.

Frustrated.  Luis stood up.  Slammed the pen on the white sheet of paper. 

Luis yelled,  “Why - Why - Gods of Writing?   What have I done for you to abandon me?”

“Why did I ever think I will ever be able to write brilliant pieces?”  He muttered to himself.

“I give up.   I’m not a writer.”

And this is the truth.  At this moment - Luis is not a writer.  He is just another guy - experiencing the  pain from being creatively impotent and detached from his divine inspiration.  

Luis stared at the blank page.  Once again,  he picked up the pen and started writing:

I surrender.  Thy will be done.

Then - like magic,  the spark of inspiration came and Luis continued to write.   

Like the many gifts of the divine - inspiration is not a slave that comes when we will it.  No amount of previous success will assure that it will come back.  No rituals and prayers will assure the answer from the gods of creativity.  And when we rage on for being disappointed  for being deprived of the  gifts we think we are entitled to - we may actually have done nothing but scare the gifts from coming our away.

For the divine inspiration comes - not when we call.  It comes when we feel defeated and finally surrender and acknowledge its power over us and say:

“Thy will be done and not mine”

One

Come be Awake

Soul calls to Self

Mind is still

We are one

Step into light

Warmth of Love

Gift of Peace

We are one

Embrace the Sorrow

Forgive the Darkness

Remember your light

We are one

Live the Mystery

Connect unto Other

Discover their Light

We are one

Hold the Divine

Here and now

Eternity is Here

We are one

I Know Nothing

How is it to live a life of curiosity? How is it to discover how it feels like to live, to truly live?

Can we be curious about how our body feels like when it experiences love, anger, fear, joy, disappointment? 

Our mind will say, I already know how it is. I know the ending to this story - and I don't like it. So the mind will refuse to cooperate and protest against this thing we will call "living our life".

Then the heart tricks us to doing as it pleases, disregarding the quiet protest that the mind has displayed - with its arms folded across its chest. Then we live life - and we experience the love, or anger, or fear, or joy, or all the other emotions we experience in our lives everyday. Then the mind speaks after all this and say "I know nothing".

In Love, Not in Might, I Fly

I was once the sun.  Mighty in the Sky

Those dare look at me - their eyes burn and die.

Bow down, Command of mine do not defy

My Word is all truth. All else is but lie.

Then my Death came when day turned into night

Once Mighty Bright Light snuffed out beyond sight.

In sorrow, I looked up, then saw a sight

Benevolent moon, with her Tender Light

"My love," She called, "Wipe the tears from your eyes …

We are one in love, The stars, you and I.

Bow down you must not, Look here to the skies

As we see our light - it shines in your eye”

Thank you, Oh sweet moon, now humbled am I

In your Love  - not my might, my soul does fly

You are AWAKE

Congratulations!  You have leveled up.  You have reached the world of AWAKE.

You have battled many monsters in the world of EGO and for a while,  it seemed like  you would never get out of that world but your heart energy was strong and all the angels were rooting for you - so it was inevitable for you to reach this stage in the game.

So in this world - of AWAKE - I have to deliver the warnings that come with any game.   You may find that it is not going to be easy in this world.  Your greatest challenge is your old friend - the EGO.  If you think that you have vanquished him in the previous realm - I’m sorry to say that as long as you have not reached the world of ENLIGHTENMENT - the EGO will always be there.   He will tell you that you don't belong here - and that you are not good enough - which might sometimes be enough to go back to his world and for you to sleep-walk once again.

So what does this mean for you?  The good news is that - you have gained the powers of AWAKENING.  You now know - that this world is not real.  That the only thing real is the LOVE that made this world for you.   But the ego will always attempt to convince you that this world is real - because once you go past AWAKENING - he knows that he will lose you forever.  His greatest power is fear - while yours is love.

Don’t be frightened - the angels are still with you.  You’ve learned your lesson - watch out for the signs.  For you - nature will always be the deliverer of the signs.  It will show you the right path but take note that the signs will not be visible - unless you remember that miracles - big or small - are manifesting all around you.

So enjoy this world my friend.  This is going to be fantastic.  You will be able to experience the best that this world has to offer - just keep your heart open.  And one more thing - don’t forget to activate up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-b-a - or simply just call out for help — and we’ll jolt you from your doldrums and remind you that you are AWAKE.

Perpekto

O ‘Pre balita ko nakipag-break sa yo si Perpekto. Lekat naman buhay 'to. Ilang beses ka na bang sinaktan nyang impaktong yan? Ano ba talaga nahihita mo kay Pekto? Oo alam ko kapag kinindatan ka niya wala na, hypnotized ka na at feeling mo lahat ng problema mo wala na.

Pero di ba paulit ulit lang siyang nakikipag-break sa yo? Nung una - hindi ka nga niya pinapansin kasi sabi niya ang pangit ng ilong mo. So nagpatangos ka. Sinagot ka niya — ang saya saya mo.

Wala pang isang linggo — nakipag-break siya sa yo. Kasi napansin daw niya - payatot ko. Niyaya mo akong mag-gym. Hayun - nagpaka-borta ka. Sinagot ka na naman niya - pero this time — naging kayo - isang araw lang. Dahilan naman niya - dukha ka.

Nagpayaman ka nang todo-todo. Bumalik siya sa yo. Medyo matagal naging kayo - kasi parang napasaya mo na siya sa salapi mo.

Tapos ngayon — bakit kayo nag-break? 

Haay - ‘pre wag mo na kong yayain maglasing ha. Di naman nawawala problema natin pag naglalasing tayo. Pag gising mo gusto mo pa rin si Perpektong masungit. Hahabulin mong maging perpekto ka rin para sa kanya. Di mo pa na-gets? Para kay pekto - walang bagay sa kanya kundi siya. Kaya nga masungit - kasi laging nag-iisa.

Pero - bakit ba hindi ka tumingin tingin sa paligid mo.

Mayroon namang iba dito. Masaya, nagpapasalamat na kasama ka - mapagbigay.

Bago pa naging matangos ang ilong mo, kahit nung kasing payat ka ng tingting — at kahit na fish balls lang ang meryenda natin kasi wala kang pera — mahal ka na niya.

Mahal na kita. Kahit ano ka pa — alam ko mas bagay tayo. Sana ako na lang — si Generoso - kaya nga yan ang pangalan ko eh — nagbibigay ako — kahit ano - lalo na ang pagmamahal. Pramis - pag naging tayo —— matutuklasan mo kung ano ang saya na galing sa pagmamahal - kahit hindi ka Perpekto.

Love is Enough

Midori, my Beagle, is staring at me with her beautiful almond shaped brown eyes. I love how she looks with her white face. I think that the white face gives her a very dignified look. My cute little dignified baby Beagle.

Her intent gaze is one of her tricks. She can bark to ask for the piece of chicken that I’m about to put in my mouth but she knows that the gaze is enough for me to give her this treat. So I tossed it over to her which she caught. She’s great at catching food. She never misses.

“Thank you,” she said.

“You’re welcome” I replied. I looked around and made sure nobody sees me speak to my dog.

“What’s up with you today?” she said. “You look glum.”

“I had a bad day at work,” I said with a sigh, “I didn’t prepare well for a presentation and it tanked. Now I feel like shit because I knew I should have prepared better for that presentation!”

Midori jumped onto the couch and walked over to me, put her paw on my shoulder and started licking my face.

“I love you.” She said.

“I love you too.”

Now it’s my turn to stare at her.

She stepped away, sat and started to ask. “What?” tilting her head to the side.

“Midori,” I said “What do you think of me … as a father - I mean?”

“Oh daddy,” she said rolling her eyes. “You know I can’t answer that question. We dogs don’t think. We can only feel.”

“I never put any thought on how you are as my daddy,” she paused and then started again, “Let me answer that question differently. I can't think of how you are as my Daddy but I can tell you how I feel about you. And I always feel the same. When you’re around … when you’re not around … when I eat … when I pee … when we take our walk … I just always feel love for you.”

I got emotional and started crying. I asked, “How Midori? How can you just feel love for me and nothing else?”

She licked my face again and whispered, “How can I not? Our creator made all of us with the power of love and therefore all creatures of this earth is filled with love.”

“And daddy, let me tell you a secret, even you are filled with love. Everything else that you see and feel that is not love is just an illusion.”

“Here is proof: Come and hug me and just feel what happens."

I hugged her. I hugged Midori and closed my eyes. I can feel her heartbeat and I can also feel our love for each other. We both just sat there as I hugged her tenderly. At that moment, I thought and felt, this moment is enough. I am enough. Love is enough. Love is all there is.

Certainty and Faith

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

I am currently reading this book: The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.  I love this book.  It actually puts into words all of the divine experiences that I've had in my life that I am starting to notice more everyday.   For me,  one of the things that is resonating well is the idea of certainty in the divine purpose of our lives - and that it is meant to be joyful and full of love.

So as you sit there reading this letter,  I want you to think of one of Gabrielle's exercises.  Think of what you will be doing if you are certain and that you don't have any doubt about your purpose and the life that you're meant to live filled with love and joy.   I have completed this exercise and here I share with you what I have come up with.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to honestly speak about how I feel.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to live a curious life.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to focus on gaining joyful and loving experiences instead of collecting material possessions.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to be grateful when I receive compliments.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to talk to strangers especially strangers I am attracted to.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to please myself and take care of my wants and needs before I take action to please others and take care of their wants and needs.  

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to identify my personal boundaries and communicate them to people I interact with.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to act with spontaneity.

With Much Love,

The Forty Year Old You

Do It For Yourself

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

I just dyed my hair gray.  Not blonde.   Not light brown.  Not black.  I dyed it gray.  You might be asking why I would do that when everyone who gets older - try to hide the silver gray hair that pops up as they age.  Firstly - this is not silver gray.   It's gray - without the silver.   It's actually en vogue in 2016 - and more and more younger people are trying it out.  Last weekend - I became one of those people.

The whole process took five hours.  The stylist had to strip away as much color as she could from my hair - which means I had to go through three bleaching processes.  After the bleaching process - my hair was white.   Then she applied the ash-gray color.   I could feel my hair screaming as we did this because it must have been a painful process for them.  The day after - some of my hair strands fell off - which - is good enough reason for me to tell myself - that now that I've experienced this - never again will I do it.

How do I find my gray hair look?   I love it.  It just gave me an edgy look that I've never really experienced even when I was young.   As you know - we've always tried trends but not to the extreme.  In fact - dyeing my hair gray,  I keep on telling myself that it still fits my overall look - unlike blonde - because everyone goes gray as they age.   Unlike blonde - which I've always thought will never fit my skin tone.

How do people find the look?   Almost everyone find it cool.  All I can say is that I feel so much love from a lot of our friends and family.   Them liking it is actually just extra for me because - in the end - I dyed my hair not to get people's approval.  I dyed my hair because I was curious about the look and how I would be able to carry it.

Of course - there will be a small number of people who don't like it - and there's one lady who expressed that it made me look old.   I've been reflecting on that comment - and as much as I try to say it doesn't bother me - I still want to give a tongue lashing at her.   In fact I kinda did,  I responded to her comment by saying, "It's a good thing that I am not doing this for you and I'm doing it for myself.  I'm very satisfied with it - and that is all there is to it."

Tongue lashing or not - I just want to make sure that you get that message.  In the end - the things that you want to do to yourself must be done from a place of curiosity and self compassion.  You must understand that you are doing it for yourself - and no matter what other people say - that you still love yourself despite what they say.   I'm starting to realize this as I age.  In the end - I am the only person I need to satisfy for my own look or what I wear.  Everyone else's opinion do not matter.

As I write this now - I've found a corollary to these words of wisdom.   As much as I should not care what other people say about how I look,  I should also not care about what other people do with their looks.   That's a great learning for me because - I am a very judgmental person.   I judge people based on their looks.  I thought it made me cool --- but now i realize it just makes me an ass$#)(*Q&.

So - the next time you want to do something crazy - ask yourself - can you live with yourself regardless of the consequences of those actions?  Don't care about what other people say - unless it actually has a direct impact on them.   What matters most is what you think and how you feel about it.   And - the corollary - mind your own business and if people make decisions that do not impact you or it does not cause injustice to another being --- you shouldn't care about it.

With Much Love,

The Forty Year Old You.

Just Believe

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

One of my favorite authors: "Brene Brown" writes and talks about Gremlins.  These refer to the voices that play out in our heads when we want to do something that exposes our vulnerable self.   One of the Gremlin tapes is "You're not good enough."   The other Gremlin tape is "Who do you think you are"?

I know these Gremlins all too well.  I hear them when I work and I hear them when I try to meet up with men that I'm interested in.   At work - it had been easy to shut them up.   I guess - you can say that I've survived so many challenges at work - that I have learned to hustle my way through the situations which trigger the Gremlins' persistent nagging.

The challenge lies with my dating life.  You see - I've grown up being told that I am an ugly fart.  I've been told that I am not attractive.   I have also had pimples on my face - and every movie out there where the protagonist is portrayed as ugly - has portrayed ugly with "artificial" pimples planted on their face.   The thing is - it might be fake pimples for those actors and actresses - but that was my reality.

Just recently - when I asked someone "Why do you think I have not been in a relationship?"  The response I got, "I think because your standards are too high."   This response immediately hit my ego - and I retorted back, "But shouldn't I have standards?   Should I just settle for someone even if I'm not attracted to them?"   After the defensiveness faded - the Gremlins started talking and kept on telling me,  "You're not good enough for the men that you like."   And the other Gremlin kept on saying,  "Why do you even try hitting on those attractive men,   who you think you are?"

These voices - definitely torment me and can actually lead me to do stupid things.   The actions I take fall into three categories.   One - I numb the pain.  I numb it often by shopping and buying things that I don't need or things that I think attractive people use or endorse in their commercials or instagram accounts.   Two - I find validation from other people - usually by logging onto Grindr or other online dating apps and immersing myself in praises and adulation of men that I don't really like.  The worst thing that I can do is to go on a date with these men - just to counter the pain I feel from feeling unattractive.   Lastly - I do stupid things just to be noticed by the men that I find attractive - and making a fool of myself by pretending to be cool in front of them even if what I'm doing is clearly an awkward fit for how I'm perceived by most people.

But my dear friend - I want you to learn from my mistakes.   The three actions that I have written above - is not how you deal with the pain and the torment of the Gremlins in your head.   You must answer this question: "Whose voice do you think are the Gremlin voices coming from."   What I mean by this is that - who is telling you "Who do you think you are?"   Is it your Mom?   Is it your Dad?   Is it your best friend?   At the moment in time that you think of these thoughts - who is physically telling you this?   Isn't it that the answer to this is that - nobody but you?    So the Gremlin voices are not external voices.   They are voices coming from within.    You are the one who is telling yourself that you are not good enough.  To quiet those voices - you need to tell yourself to just shut up.

One too many times,  all of us will hear other people say, "You must believe in yourself."   It gets repeated so many times that we have actually thought that it's just something people say to make other people feel better - but it doesn't really mean anything.  Recently,  I have come to realize - that statement - as much as it is a cliche - has a lot of truth behind it.   This is the reason why I hear it over and over again - because it is the universe telling me that it is a fundamental truth.   To experience joy - true joy - in what we do in our careers and in what we do in our love life - we must believe in our self.   We must believe that we are lovable and stop second guessing other people when they say that you are a being worthy of love - because we are.   We are good enough.   The Gremlins can continue to say what they want to say - but our resolution is strong enough to overcome those voices - until they sound like comedic small voices that are to be laughed at.

My friend - you will find that there will be times that you will meet people who will actually flat out reject you.   The thing is the feedback that you get from those people is a reflection more of what they are thinking about the world that they live in and the world that they grew up in and it is not a reflection of you - you can be a magnificent beautiful unicorn - but someone who has been trampled on by unicorns when they were young may actually see you as a rhinoceros.

It may still take years for you to truly accept this universal truth that you are worthy of love.   That's okay.   It isn't important when you wake up from the bad dream that you're currently living.   What is important is that you do wake up eventually.   Listen to the universe as it sends messengers around you reinforcing the beauty that you possess.   And when you wake up from the bad dream - I promise you,  you will find the love that you have been searching for all your life.

With much Love,

The Forty Year Old You

Fall in Love More Often

Dear Thirty Year Old Me

You don't fall in love often.  You actually fall in love only when you decide that it's time to fall in love.  The problem of course that you encounter with that premise is that - because you are opent ot falling in love at that time - the poor soul that you direct that affection towards becomes the receipient of this longing energy.

Here's the thing - you are actually a very attractive man.  DOn't let all the rejections you have previously received fool you.   YOu are attractive - but everytime you fall in love - you become unattractive in the eyes of the person you fall in love with.

The unattractiveness is not physical.  It actually has something to do with the energy that you bring foth which makes you not whole.

YOu are not whole because you tend to communicate that you are unwhole unless you actually get the affection of the person of your affection.

SO - this is my advice to you.  The next time you fall in love.  Cherish the feeling.  But make sure that you understand that you don't need the object of your affection to return that feeling for you to cherish the beauty that you experiene from that feeling.

You are definitely more than the desire for that feeling to be returned towards you.

THe other advice I have for you - is that you must fall in love more often.  That's the only way you can practice the appropriate skills that should come your way when you fall in love.  The skill of expressing your affection.  The skill of reining in the feeling.  The skill of dealing with the rejection.

fall in love often - and one day - the object of your affection will return that affection your way.

With most love

The forty year old you

Baggage

“You have so much baggage.”

“What?”  I exclaimed.

“Honey,  you have so much baggage - or luggage - or whatever the English language calls all of these bags in your attic.”

I can’t believe that the voice in my head is nagging me about the bags in my attic.  I admit - I have many bags - but I have an excuse - I travel a lot for business and each one of those bags have served me well in my  trips.   Of course - I’m lying - at most the sport trunk from Rimowa and the in-cabin trolley from Samsonite are the most utilized bags - and all the others are there in case I have a special trip that will require me to use it.

For example - for trips to the beach - the soft-side blue bag that I bought when I had too much stuff to carry in one of my trips to India - is the perfect bag.  It’s the lightest bag that I have and when I don’t want to have any checked luggage for those four day trips to Boracay - it’s the perfect bag.

The red clamshell Samsonite bag is perfect when I am traveling to Hong Kong, or Singapore, or Malaysia.  You see - the number of clothes that I take to my international trips is directly proportional to the number of miles that I will earn for that trip.  So the Rimowa trunk is the right size for US and European trips.  The Samsonite bag is the perfect size for trips around Asia.

“I don’t have too much baggage.  I just have enough for the demanding travel that I do for my job.”   I am now yelling at the disapproving voice in my head.  As if yelling at the voice will silence it.

“What about this green bag? Why do you keep this?” 

Oh.  That bag.  I can’t believe you spotted that, you sneaky voice-in-my-head.   I hid that behind all of these boxes because it’s a reminder of a temporary lapse in my judgment during a trip to KL.   I bought one too many skinny jeans in KL - and they would not fit in the Samsonite - so I bought that ugh-ly bag so I can carry all of my wonderful skinny jeans (which by the way are now too big for me because I lost a lot of weight since I bought them).

“Why hide it?   You can give that bag away.”

Give it away?  Oh no - I can’t - for two reasons.   I don’t need someone to suffer from my poor choices.  It’s an ugly color of puke-green.   Who would want such a bag? What will they think of me when I give it to them?  I don’t want to be judged as the guy with a poor taste in bags.   I can’t accept receiving judgment from people who I will be charitable to.

“But your sister asked to have it because she noticed you have not used it since you bought it.  So clearly - she wants it.”

That’s my second reason.   I’ve been too generous this year.   I have given to charity.  I’ve donated money to our  High School alumni association for that animal laboratory.  A large part of my salary is spent on paying for the debt that I have taken for my niece’s treatment two years ago.  So - I refuse to give more dole-outs this year because to be honest - I’m tired of giving.

Then there was silence.  A long one.  An uncomfortable one - which I just had to break.

“What?  Say something!”

“You have too much baggage.”   The tone of the voice is a lot softer now.

“I don’t have too much.  I just have enough.”  I screamed.

The voice seem to have let out a sigh.

“I’m not referring to the bags, honey.”

 Silence again.  This time,  I didn’t break it.  I just sat there.  I agreed with the voice.  

I have too much baggage.

So I picked up my phone.  Started texting.

“Hey.  Do you remember that olive green bag that you asked to borrow during your last visit?   I can give it to you.  I know you need it and it seems like you wanted it.”

I have too much baggage - and I needed to start letting go of the shitty baggage.  They no longer serve me.

I want To Live a Healthy and Happy Life

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

Yesterday I wrote to you about one of the superficial "whys" that seem to drive a lot of what I decide on in life.  I talked to you about my need to feel that other people perceive me as a cool dude.  I say it's superficial because if you think about it,  having that value actually leads to being someone who would like to fit in.  How does one fit in?  One fits in by buying the latest gadgets that come out in the market even if you don't really have a need for the new gadget.   It also means following the latest fashion trend even if what you used to wear actually still works.   Largely for me - being cool actually means buying stuff.   But it doesn't end there.   Being cool also means not expressing my disagreement with people who are the "powers that be" even if they are wrong.

So today - I have come to realize - that as much as this value has actually been what I have used as a compass in my journey in life - I think I just have to throw it away.  It is time to throw away the value of "coolness".

The problem that I now face though is that when I throw this away,  I feel naked.  It's like I don't really have anything to show for now - because other people's opinion - which guided my life is no longer the guide that I choose for my life.   So what should I follow now?

To answer this question,  I had to ask myself why I have progressively been asking for answers on how to live a better life.  I actually realized - that the momentum has actually started over two years ago.   It started  when my niece - our niece - who was eight years old then was diagnosed with cancer.   As you can imagine - that was devastating for us in her family.   The thing is - when that news broke out,  I started reading to see how someone can deal with a disease like that.  You know what I learned?  I learned that the disease that we call cancer - is one which actually develops,  when one's body starts to attack itself.  I am not a doctor - so I'm sure that this statement will sound too simplistic.  But think about it.  Cancer cells are actually cells that mutated into "little monsters" inside  a patient's body - starting to attack the healthy cells around it.

So in my quest to actually figure out how to deal with the disease of my niece,  I came across so many written articles about ensuring that we help my niece to get her healthy cells to stand up against the cancer cell.  We need to get her healthy cells to be stronger.   I'll tell you four important actions, that a cancer patient needs to take to get healthy:

- Eat healthful food.    Vegetables - green and leafy ones can help the body build the strength to get their healthy cells stronger.

- Stop poisoning the body.   Right now,  we actually feed ourselves with so much chemicals not by taking poison straight from the bottle.  We do it by ingesting processed food.   A lot of food items that come in a box or in a plastic bag are actually mixed with chemicals that in their native form will scare any human being from ingesting them.

- Build a healthy mind.  The mind controls everything in our body.  If our mind is sluggish and overtaken by stress, it can't come up with the necessary actions to help your body to choose to get well.

- Build a happy heart.   Our feelings need to be filled with all the positive feelings.   Stress and sadness actually causes our body to build up toxic chemicals within our body.  These toxic chemicals feed the mutated cells that we call cancer.  Moreover - these toxic chemicals actually cause your healthy cells to weaken.

The thing is,   with all this knowledge,  I am unable to figure out how to impart this knowledge to a child.   She is a smart kid and I know that she can actually understand half of what I will tell her - but I realized that if I was going to help my niece - the best way to teach her is to actually be the best example for her.   So I decided that I should actually practice the four items that I mentioned above - and I have progressively made bigger and bigger decisions in my life to be the Super Human with healthy cells.

So - what's the point of telling this story?  I am telling you this story because I'm starting to realize that this my why.   My why is to actually live a great life so I can be the best model to my niece - so she can live a wonderful life full of passion which will in turn help her keep her healthy cells strong.  I need to be the positive influcence in her life so she can choose to live a life with a healthy mind and a happy heart.

I know that I rambled through this letter - and I apologize for that.   The ideas are just flowing out as I type this letter - and I have not had a chance to organize it.  I ask that you stay patient with me and I believe that as we continue on this journey - we will really discover the life that we can live - not just for ourselves - but also for the people who matter to us.

With all my Happy Heart,

The Forty Year Old You