The Gifts of Death

“I am not ready to die,” Body speaks to mind.

“Neither am I my friend,” Mind responds.

One is never ready for Death. Till the last breath, Body, Mind and Heart wish for an alternate ending to life.

“I am weak,” says Body. 

“Body, I know you are weak. I am looking for the medicine to what ails you. I know there’s a cure for your pain.”

Mind’s attempt of reassurance is met with silence.

“You cannot give up, Body. Today, like many other times in the past, I will protect you.”

Body feels cold.

“Why am I sad?” Body muses.

“Stop the sadness. Drive it away,” Mind says. “Sadness makes us weaker. I can give you happy thoughts.”

“Think of the time we jumped off the cliff. Remembering that always gives us joy.”

Body recalls the moments when they fell into the water, the warm waters felt like a warm embrace back then, but this time there is no warmth. He continues to be cold. And the coldness reaches his feet.

“No!!!!” Mind is frantic.

“No!!!” He cries and his tears blind him.  He loses sight of Body. “Body, where are you my friend? Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave me alone.”

“My love, Please hold my hand. You are not alone. I am here.”  It is Heart who speaks. He has been watching Mind and Body all along.

Heart feels Mind’s suffering. Heart feels Body’s pain.

It is clear that the end is near but only Heart accepts it.

“Mind, please hold my hand. We are together till the end.”

“It’s unfair.” Mind is sobbing, “We should live forever.”

Heart cannot muster a response; he just squeezes Mind’s hand.

Mind calms down, then Heart speaks. “She is here my friend. Are you ready?”

“Sh-she is? I am not ready Heart. Can’t we ask her for more time? Can’t we offer her anything.”

“She does not need anything from us Mind. She comes when it’s time. And it is.”

Body is motionless.

The cold continues to spread.

The toes, then the feet, then the legs. Freezing.

The fingers, then the arms, the head, then the eyes. Freezing.

Lastly, the chest. The cold reaches the chest.

Heart is the only one who can speak and he says.

 “Death our friend, please be kind”

Death, as always, is kind. She embraces the three friends and kisses them one by one and speaks of her gift to each one.

She kisses Body and says, “Rest.”

She kisses Mind and offers, “The truth that you seek.”

She kisses Heart and gives, “Courage and love.”

Heart falls silent. There no longer is the familiar beat.

For a moment that is eternity, there is only peace.

In the end; Body, Mind, Heart, Death, Life and all there is, is One.

Inspiration

Body, Heart and Mind are waiting for Inspiration .  They need Inspiration to write but as always, it isn’t easy to get her to appear when they need her.  The last time Inspiration paid them a visit; Body, Heart and Mind had to jump off a cliff.

There isn’t a cliff anywhere near where they are so Body, Heart and Mind do what Mind thinks can draw her in. They bombard her with text messages which say, “Inspiration, we need you.  Please come”.

Time passes, and Inspiration does not come.

                                    

“I’m tired. I want to rest,” says Body, yawning.

“We need you to be awake when Inspiration comes.” Mind says.

Body decides to send a different text message to Inspiration, “Inspiration, we need you.  I’m tired.  Please come soon.”

The phone vibrates and Body reads the response, “Abandon all hope, only then shall I come.”

Mind stands up, paces back and forth, and then blurts out, “What does that mean, abandon hope?  I won’t abandon hope!  I need hope to get this writing done.”

At that moment, Phobos, their pet dog starts tugging at Mind’s pants.

“Mind, I think you should take Phobos for a walk.”

“That’s a good idea Heart.  I don’t think Inspiration is coming. I give up. Come Phobos, let’s go for a walk.”

As soon as Mind and Phobos get out the door, a lady in a tutu appears in the room.

“Hello my friends,”   she greets Body and Heart.

“Oh sweet inspiration, you came.”

“I’m happy to be here. Where is Mind?”

“He went out to take Phobos for a walk.”

“Perfect! It’s hard to make Magic with Mind around.  He always hope that he can control my magic.  I just wish he learns how to give up control sooner and let us do our work.”

“Are you ready to make magic?” Inspiration asks.

“We are ready.”

Inspiration sings a song.  Heart and body dance with each other to her song.  Words start to appear on the screen of the computer.   The trio is surrounded by Inspiration’s creative light.

When inspiration sings the last note, she says, “It is done.”

“This is wonderful,” Heart and Body say.

The door opens and Mind yells.

“Inspiration - you’re here. Let’s start working?”

“Hi Mind.  We’re finished. Read this and tell us what you think.”

Mind reads the piece, “This is horrible. Inconsistent tenses.  Missing punctuations.”

                                        

“My dear friends, I’d love to stay but I need to go,” Inspiration disappears.

Heart says to Mind, “Can you do us a favor and edit the piece? Make it better.”

“I will make it perfect.”

Heart and Body smile. They are happy with the piece but they trust that Mind will not be satisfied with it until he thinks it’s perfect.

“Read this.”

“Good job Mind.  Whatever can we accomplish without you?” Heart gushes.

“Nothing,” Mind says.

                              

“Can I go to sleep now?”  Body says.

“Go ahead and sleep Body.  We are done for today.  We did well.”

I Seek

Hands hold Stick

Blindfold on eyes

A Game to Seek

The paper beast

Stuffed White, Blue, Pink

With hidden treats

A voice speaks:

"Be smart, turn to your right." 

Am I smart? To the right, I turn. 

"Hit it."

Swing the stick with all my might. 

Swoosh! No hit.

An idiot,

Am I?

A voice speaks:

"Turn Left, my Love"

Am I loved?  I go to the left. 

"Hit it."

Swing the stick with all my might. 

Swoosh! No hit.

Unloved, 

Am I?

A voice speaks:

"Turn around, pretty one"

Another one speaks:

"Forward, my dear."

Am I Pretty?

Am I dear?

More voices speak

I follow Each

To be pretty,

To be loved

To be right

But each voice

Leads to Defeat

My arms are weak. 

I ask "What do I seek?" 

My heart speaks.

"Freedom, you seek,

Let go of stick. 

Let your eyes see

See what you seek."

I drop the stick,

I let my eyes see.

The voices that jeer

They're not here.

Mere Phantoms

That lead to defeat. 

Heart's voice is real.

It knows what I seek.

I seek to see

I seek to be free

I Died For You

I died for you.  The pain of our good byes tethered you to the pain of this world

This has stopped the endless drifting of the life that you lived  but not explored.

I died for you.  The tears you wept for me lifted the fog from your eyes.   

Now you see clearly this world and its beauty.   

Now you see clearly the faces of those who love you.

I died for you.  Falling through the depths of despair gave you wings.  

With these wings you fly free. 

I died for you.  In my death your soul awakened.  

My last breath was the blaring sound that jolted you from slumber.

I died for you.  When you lost your self in the shadow of grief,  the Divine found you.

I died for you. 

Now, live for me.

One

Come be Awake

Soul calls to Self

Mind is still

We are one

Step into light

Warmth of Love

Gift of Peace

We are one

Embrace the Sorrow

Forgive the Darkness

Remember your light

We are one

Live the Mystery

Connect unto Other

Discover their Light

We are one

Hold the Divine

Here and now

Eternity is Here

We are one

I Know Nothing

How is it to live a life of curiosity? How is it to discover how it feels like to live, to truly live?

Can we be curious about how our body feels like when it experiences love, anger, fear, joy, disappointment? 

Our mind will say, I already know how it is. I know the ending to this story - and I don't like it. So the mind will refuse to cooperate and protest against this thing we will call "living our life".

Then the heart tricks us to doing as it pleases, disregarding the quiet protest that the mind has displayed - with its arms folded across its chest. Then we live life - and we experience the love, or anger, or fear, or joy, or all the other emotions we experience in our lives everyday. Then the mind speaks after all this and say "I know nothing".

You are AWAKE

Congratulations!  You have leveled up.  You have reached the world of AWAKE.

You have battled many monsters in the world of EGO and for a while,  it seemed like  you would never get out of that world but your heart energy was strong and all the angels were rooting for you - so it was inevitable for you to reach this stage in the game.

So in this world - of AWAKE - I have to deliver the warnings that come with any game.   You may find that it is not going to be easy in this world.  Your greatest challenge is your old friend - the EGO.  If you think that you have vanquished him in the previous realm - I’m sorry to say that as long as you have not reached the world of ENLIGHTENMENT - the EGO will always be there.   He will tell you that you don't belong here - and that you are not good enough - which might sometimes be enough to go back to his world and for you to sleep-walk once again.

So what does this mean for you?  The good news is that - you have gained the powers of AWAKENING.  You now know - that this world is not real.  That the only thing real is the LOVE that made this world for you.   But the ego will always attempt to convince you that this world is real - because once you go past AWAKENING - he knows that he will lose you forever.  His greatest power is fear - while yours is love.

Don’t be frightened - the angels are still with you.  You’ve learned your lesson - watch out for the signs.  For you - nature will always be the deliverer of the signs.  It will show you the right path but take note that the signs will not be visible - unless you remember that miracles - big or small - are manifesting all around you.

So enjoy this world my friend.  This is going to be fantastic.  You will be able to experience the best that this world has to offer - just keep your heart open.  And one more thing - don’t forget to activate up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-b-a - or simply just call out for help — and we’ll jolt you from your doldrums and remind you that you are AWAKE.

Confessions of the Tyrant Sun

During the day, the sun sits on his throne high in the sky. He is a wise ruler, but he is stern and cruel. Cruel to those who dare stand and stare at him in defiance. Those who defy him are punished with blindness.

“Follow my word,” he says.

“My light, my truth will keep you safe. There are monsters in the shadows, I can protect you from them.”

The sun is alone as he sits on his throne in the day sky. His subjects bow to him never looking at him, never questioning him. They have their heads bowed as they work to please the cruel Sun.

Then night time comes and the moon starts to take her seat on her throne. She is a benevolent ruler. That benevolence comes from the acknowledgement that her light is not alone in the night sky. The millions of stars are with her. Each one of them with their light and their truth, keeping their subjects safe. 

“Come look at me,” she says, “Come look at us. I the moon am your mother. The many stars your brothers and sisters.”

“We are here with you as you live through the night. As you look at us - we see ourselves reflected in your eyes.”

The moon’s subjects take comfort in these soothing words that they themselves are like her and the stars. Whatever monsters there are in the shadows - they can slay because within their eyes are the power of the universe’s light. So they lay to rest after sending their thanks to the moon and the stars.

I confess, that I am the tyrant sun during the brightest moments of my life. I am the arrogant ruler who thinks that mine is the only truth. I do not see others because I am blinded by the intense brightness of my arrogance. 

I confess that all the brightness goes away during the deepest and darkest moments of my life. As my own light fades, I lift my gaze to the night sky, and I see that I am not alone - and that I am not the only source of light. I find that my own truth is nothing but a small reflection of the truth that shines from the moon and the many stars in the sky.

So I ask of you my brothers and sisters - I ask for your forgiveness for only acknowledging your light and your truth during the night. I then ask for your blessing - to help me not get blinded by own arrogance during the brightest moments of my life. Those times, I need the Grace of the Divine to look much more closely and dim my own light - for me to see the miracle of you, the moon and the stars reflecting your own light and truth into my eyes.

It Isn't About You

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

We have a big ego.  We attach our success and failure to everything that we do and to the things that we have accomplished and failed in.

This has caused us to drive for more success but this has also caused us to avoid failure - which means risk isn't really something that we like facing head on.

Here's the thing - what if everything that we accomplish and everything that we failed in - really isn't about us?   What if we were not the central character in the stories of our lives?   What if our actions cause the stories to develop but if we succeeded or failed --- it doesn't really make us successful and it also doesn't make it a failure?

I have to pose this question because in the recent months,  I've come to realize that a lot of my heartaches in life is caused by my attachment to the story in my head that everything that happens in my life is something that I caused.  For some events - this may be a healthy mindset ---- being proud of losing ten pounds because of the discipline we exercised in avoiding sugar in our diet.   But largely - this mindset - is not helpful.   It can start from:   My dogs doing a proper sit when I use the command.   It's our dog's ability being displayed here - so we can't take the credit for it.   It can be as ridiculous as thinking that it didn't rain today when we are wearing white pants - because we asked the Universe for it.

This mindset is actually perpetuated by a lot of our friends and family praising us for things that if you think about it really isn't because of our skill.   For example - getting into a scholarship in the Ateneo was not because we were smart.   It really was because the University's Admission and Aid - looked through a checklist of qualifications for our application and noted that we meet the criteria - which included submitting an income document from Papa - which said he earned a really small income for the year we were applying for the scholarship.   Therefore - we fit the criteria for someone who should be considered for financial aid.

Why am I bringing this up?  How does a mindset of not attaching ourselves to the outcome become helpful in our lives?   You see - when we call ourselves successful or we call ourselves a failure based on the outcomes of our actions --- that label of successful or failure gives a lot of pressure on us to always want to be the successful person.   This actually has been part of the reason why we tend not to do awesome things we are not good at doing because we don't want to be the failure.   Here's the thing --- what if we just say that every result we get from an action that we take is just feedback - and that feedback will allow us to think of the next action to take?  That result does not define you.  It just provides you information so you can choose how to live your life after that result.

Note --- It took me more than a month to complete this because - the truth is - I was not ready to hear the advice that I'm writing.   I wanted this article to be awesome - so that I can feel awesome.   But hey - I decided - that instead of wanting this to be awesome --- maybe I just need to have it done --- regardless of the outcome.

With Much Love
The Forty Year Old You

Baggage

“You have so much baggage.”

“What?”  I exclaimed.

“Honey,  you have so much baggage - or luggage - or whatever the English language calls all of these bags in your attic.”

I can’t believe that the voice in my head is nagging me about the bags in my attic.  I admit - I have many bags - but I have an excuse - I travel a lot for business and each one of those bags have served me well in my  trips.   Of course - I’m lying - at most the sport trunk from Rimowa and the in-cabin trolley from Samsonite are the most utilized bags - and all the others are there in case I have a special trip that will require me to use it.

For example - for trips to the beach - the soft-side blue bag that I bought when I had too much stuff to carry in one of my trips to India - is the perfect bag.  It’s the lightest bag that I have and when I don’t want to have any checked luggage for those four day trips to Boracay - it’s the perfect bag.

The red clamshell Samsonite bag is perfect when I am traveling to Hong Kong, or Singapore, or Malaysia.  You see - the number of clothes that I take to my international trips is directly proportional to the number of miles that I will earn for that trip.  So the Rimowa trunk is the right size for US and European trips.  The Samsonite bag is the perfect size for trips around Asia.

“I don’t have too much baggage.  I just have enough for the demanding travel that I do for my job.”   I am now yelling at the disapproving voice in my head.  As if yelling at the voice will silence it.

“What about this green bag? Why do you keep this?” 

Oh.  That bag.  I can’t believe you spotted that, you sneaky voice-in-my-head.   I hid that behind all of these boxes because it’s a reminder of a temporary lapse in my judgment during a trip to KL.   I bought one too many skinny jeans in KL - and they would not fit in the Samsonite - so I bought that ugh-ly bag so I can carry all of my wonderful skinny jeans (which by the way are now too big for me because I lost a lot of weight since I bought them).

“Why hide it?   You can give that bag away.”

Give it away?  Oh no - I can’t - for two reasons.   I don’t need someone to suffer from my poor choices.  It’s an ugly color of puke-green.   Who would want such a bag? What will they think of me when I give it to them?  I don’t want to be judged as the guy with a poor taste in bags.   I can’t accept receiving judgment from people who I will be charitable to.

“But your sister asked to have it because she noticed you have not used it since you bought it.  So clearly - she wants it.”

That’s my second reason.   I’ve been too generous this year.   I have given to charity.  I’ve donated money to our  High School alumni association for that animal laboratory.  A large part of my salary is spent on paying for the debt that I have taken for my niece’s treatment two years ago.  So - I refuse to give more dole-outs this year because to be honest - I’m tired of giving.

Then there was silence.  A long one.  An uncomfortable one - which I just had to break.

“What?  Say something!”

“You have too much baggage.”   The tone of the voice is a lot softer now.

“I don’t have too much.  I just have enough.”  I screamed.

The voice seem to have let out a sigh.

“I’m not referring to the bags, honey.”

 Silence again.  This time,  I didn’t break it.  I just sat there.  I agreed with the voice.  

I have too much baggage.

So I picked up my phone.  Started texting.

“Hey.  Do you remember that olive green bag that you asked to borrow during your last visit?   I can give it to you.  I know you need it and it seems like you wanted it.”

I have too much baggage - and I needed to start letting go of the shitty baggage.  They no longer serve me.

What Happened?

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

Today - I decided to revisit this blog.  I laughed at the articles I wrote to you - but all in all I was actually impressed with the writing.  It was very personal and I realized that as much as I really wanted to help other people with the blog posts that I wrote,  I actually found that it helped me more than it helped others.  In fact I don't even know if other people read this blog.

So I read the posts from the beginning.  I enjoyed reading them and I don't know why - but I also learned from those ideas - even if I know I wrote them.

Then the blog posts stopped - and the weird thing is that the last blog post was written on December 22, 2015.   Today is December 22, 2016 - so it's exactly a year from the last time that I wrote anything for this blog.

Here's the thing - when I read the last letter - I realized that there was a lot of excitement and hope in that letter.  I was talking about my intention to publish a self-help blog which comes from conversations that I have with myself.   Those were really powerful pieces - and after reading the last letter that I had for you - I dug through my archives and wanted to see why I never really published those conversations.

Then - as I read the unpublished articles - I realized why I stopped writing them.   Those articles were scary.   They remind me of the Gremlins that I just read about from the books "The Gift of Imperfection"  and "Daring Greatly"  by my favorite author at the moment: Brene Brown.   When I wrote those articles - I have not even read any of Brene's work --- and the transcript of those conversations with the Gremlins were buried in my subconscious - and I think it's fortuitous for me to find them now that I just finished reading "Daring Greatly".

You see - there's a lot of shame that I bared in those transcripts.   I guess - you can say that frightened myself too much - that's why I never published them.   They were the manifestations of the "You're not Good Enough" and the "Who Do you think You are?" gremlins that Brene referred to.

But today - I have resolved - I will publish them and it may not be the best thing to do.   But I do know that I want to publish them because it helps me get through the fears that I have buried wiht regards to the topics I actually talked about.  To be honest - I won't call it bravery that I'm publishing it because I know that nobody reads these blogs --- at least nobody that I know.

So my dear young self --- I hope you're still there reading my letters.   I hope that you didn't grow tired of waiting.  I'm back and I do hope to correspond with you a lot more regularly from now on.

With much Love,

Your Forty Year Old Self

I want To Live a Healthy and Happy Life

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

Yesterday I wrote to you about one of the superficial "whys" that seem to drive a lot of what I decide on in life.  I talked to you about my need to feel that other people perceive me as a cool dude.  I say it's superficial because if you think about it,  having that value actually leads to being someone who would like to fit in.  How does one fit in?  One fits in by buying the latest gadgets that come out in the market even if you don't really have a need for the new gadget.   It also means following the latest fashion trend even if what you used to wear actually still works.   Largely for me - being cool actually means buying stuff.   But it doesn't end there.   Being cool also means not expressing my disagreement with people who are the "powers that be" even if they are wrong.

So today - I have come to realize - that as much as this value has actually been what I have used as a compass in my journey in life - I think I just have to throw it away.  It is time to throw away the value of "coolness".

The problem that I now face though is that when I throw this away,  I feel naked.  It's like I don't really have anything to show for now - because other people's opinion - which guided my life is no longer the guide that I choose for my life.   So what should I follow now?

To answer this question,  I had to ask myself why I have progressively been asking for answers on how to live a better life.  I actually realized - that the momentum has actually started over two years ago.   It started  when my niece - our niece - who was eight years old then was diagnosed with cancer.   As you can imagine - that was devastating for us in her family.   The thing is - when that news broke out,  I started reading to see how someone can deal with a disease like that.  You know what I learned?  I learned that the disease that we call cancer - is one which actually develops,  when one's body starts to attack itself.  I am not a doctor - so I'm sure that this statement will sound too simplistic.  But think about it.  Cancer cells are actually cells that mutated into "little monsters" inside  a patient's body - starting to attack the healthy cells around it.

So in my quest to actually figure out how to deal with the disease of my niece,  I came across so many written articles about ensuring that we help my niece to get her healthy cells to stand up against the cancer cell.  We need to get her healthy cells to be stronger.   I'll tell you four important actions, that a cancer patient needs to take to get healthy:

- Eat healthful food.    Vegetables - green and leafy ones can help the body build the strength to get their healthy cells stronger.

- Stop poisoning the body.   Right now,  we actually feed ourselves with so much chemicals not by taking poison straight from the bottle.  We do it by ingesting processed food.   A lot of food items that come in a box or in a plastic bag are actually mixed with chemicals that in their native form will scare any human being from ingesting them.

- Build a healthy mind.  The mind controls everything in our body.  If our mind is sluggish and overtaken by stress, it can't come up with the necessary actions to help your body to choose to get well.

- Build a happy heart.   Our feelings need to be filled with all the positive feelings.   Stress and sadness actually causes our body to build up toxic chemicals within our body.  These toxic chemicals feed the mutated cells that we call cancer.  Moreover - these toxic chemicals actually cause your healthy cells to weaken.

The thing is,   with all this knowledge,  I am unable to figure out how to impart this knowledge to a child.   She is a smart kid and I know that she can actually understand half of what I will tell her - but I realized that if I was going to help my niece - the best way to teach her is to actually be the best example for her.   So I decided that I should actually practice the four items that I mentioned above - and I have progressively made bigger and bigger decisions in my life to be the Super Human with healthy cells.

So - what's the point of telling this story?  I am telling you this story because I'm starting to realize that this my why.   My why is to actually live a great life so I can be the best model to my niece - so she can live a wonderful life full of passion which will in turn help her keep her healthy cells strong.  I need to be the positive influcence in her life so she can choose to live a life with a healthy mind and a happy heart.

I know that I rambled through this letter - and I apologize for that.   The ideas are just flowing out as I type this letter - and I have not had a chance to organize it.  I ask that you stay patient with me and I believe that as we continue on this journey - we will really discover the life that we can live - not just for ourselves - but also for the people who matter to us.

With all my Happy Heart,

The Forty Year Old You