I love My Job ( Even on a Monday)

The office chime is blaring from the speakers signaling the end of today’s work day. It’s a Monday – and Ben thought that the end of the work day couldn’t have come sooner.

Ben packed his bags – and walked out of his office

“Good bye everyone, y’all have a good evening.” Ben said to the people who sit next to his office.

Ben got to his car – which like many times before – is being driven by his father. He gets teased a lot by his office mates for that. He's a forty year old Papa's boy.

Ben asked his father about his pain therapy – to which his father replied. “OK lang --- mukhang gumagana naman yung therapy” (It was ok – it seems to be working).

“That’s good.” Ben said.

“That’s good,” Ben repeated and like all other car rides before this, his thoughts were no longer inside the car.

“I love my job but …”

Yes – Ben loves his job but it does feel like there are days like this when he thinks, “I love my job but …” He loves his job – but he can’t seem to think that most days – it’s drudgery. He doesn’t like the days when his mailbox is full and with each e-mail screaming "answer me". Or those days when there are a gazillion invoices and expense reports to review.

“Ugh!"

Then he paused and said to himself, “But those e-mails are nothing compared to the blessing of being able to connect to the people I work with.”

This again is the truth – Ben loves his team. It’s the best part of his job.

“I love my team but …”

Again – that word – BUT. Today he spoke to George who set up a meeting with him because he needs to bounce off an idea with Ben. The meeting went too long - and by the end of it - both Ben and George were confused. Ben recalls saying to George when the latter was expressing his frustration, “I know what you are saying and I understand where you are coming from and if I were in your shoes – I will feel and think the same way.”

That’s a lie. He doesn’t know where George is coming from. Ben is a people pleaser and he has the gift of saying what seems to be the right thing to say to others. This is why people like him because he makes them feel better when they talk to him. Ben likes the thought that people like him and he thinks that if his team mates don’t like him – he is nothing.

“But I wish I can just tell them the truth ... when they need to hear it ... even if they can't handle the truth.”

He muses, "I wish I can tell someone to fuck off when he or she is being a pain in the ass"

The car stopped – which halted Ben’s contemplation about his job. Ben hears his three dogs barking. He is home. He got off the car and headed on to the door. He opened the door to be welcomed by his dogs who seem to have missed him so much. He smiled – this is the highlight of his day.

“I love my job and – I live a good life. I should just be thankful.”

As Ben thought about this – he knew that these were just affirmations – that most days they are true but today – it’s a Monday --- and today he wishes that all the words were true.

Jump Off a Cliff

Dear Thirty-Year-Old-Me,

You live in a lot of fear.   There's just so much of them that seems to drive your life.  It can be as catastrophic as the fear of getting on a plane ( which - congratulations - you still get on a plane even if it scares you ).  It can be as mundane as the fear of opening your e-mail and reading a customer complaining about the service that he/she received from your team.

You are one ball of fear - electrified so much that mostly - you just decide not to do anything that you think you don't need to.   Decisions are being made for you by other people or you actually just end up in a conundrum that you just have no choice but to do something.

The good news is that - you seem to have guardian angels that make your life still interesting even if you are not in charge of it.   So all is well and good for you.

Here's the thing - one day - in your forties - you will wake up that you finally want to explore being brave.

Most people actually think that your recent actions are just products of the mid-life crisis.  I bet you are being washed over by shame at the thought of you falling into the typical definition of someone in his middle age - and gallivanting around town with orange hair or an m&m colored Ferrari.   I have news for you kid - you are that guy.  You don't have orange hair - but your hair is styled like the teenager that you never were.

I don't know how it started - but I know when you actually realized that fear can be conquered.   It started when you jumped off a 20-foot cliff in Siquijor - the land of the witches.   That trip was magical.   You know that you don't like planning vacations - but in this particular case - you decided to book the trip and asked your best friend if she wanted to come.   You loved the trip ( and your best friend hated it ).   That trip transformed a lot of your perspectives about life.

So going back to the 20-foot-cliff jump.   You were scared to jump.   You actually jumped off a 10-foot water fall that morning - and that jump actually hurt and you felt stupid after that because it was kind of hard to swim back to shore after that jump.  So you thought to yourself that afternoon - do I really want to risk this jump?

When the time came for you to jump - you actually brought into your mind the following dialogue - inspired by one of your favorite authors: Elizabeth Gilbert - when she talks about fear.   This is what you told fear:

"Mr. Fear.  Thank you for coming with me in this journey.   Like most days - I really have to give it to you because you are doing an exceptional job of telling me that what I'm about to do is stupid.  Here's the thing - I am actually very much curious about the outcome of me jumping off this cliff.  That curiosity is so strong that I know I would forever regret this opportunity to jump if I listen to you.   So again - I thank you for coming along - but I got to say - I got this.   I will jump off this cliff."

After saying that in your head - you stepped off the ledge.  Nope - you didn't jump.  You just stepped off the ledge and let gravity do it's job.   When your body hit the water - it was still painful and you ended up with a sore shoulder for weeks.   But I tell you - the euphoric feeling that you experienced as you traveled on air and as you hit the water --- there's no other feeling that matches that.   It was a great feeling.

With the experience of jumping off the cliff - that became a metaphor for a lot of the things that you decided to do after that.   For example - you wanted to see how you will look with light brown hair.  So you decided to just do it.    You decided to ask that good looking guy out - so you did.    You wanted to go to a leadership training and ask your boss to sponsor the training - so you asked.

Maybe you are indeed going through mid-life crisis now in your forties.   I'm telling you - crisis it may be --- it's one helluva ride that you're going through.  If - you find this inspiration a lot earlier in your life - listen to that inspiration.   I'd be very much interested in what the outcome will be if you listen to it earlier.

With so Much Love,
The Forty Year Old You