Who is The Fairest?

In my past life, I was the Evil Queen - the villainess to Snow White.

In this re-incarnated life, I pay for my past life’s sins: vanity, envy, murder and (the biggest sin of all); wearing foundation that was two tones lighter than my actual skin tone.

For my atonement, the gods have been cruel; they reminded me of my evil ways by giving me back my enchanted mirror.  The Mirror was witness to the insult that the fates have handed to me.

"Who is the fairest of them all?", I once asked her.

My heart was shattered to pieces when she responded: Snow White.

Now, the enchanted mirror is no longer on the wall.  It accompanies me everywhere I go. 

Old habits are hard to break and I still ask the same question.  "Who is the fairest?"

Her answer did not change: the fairest of them all is someone else.

I tried everything that I could to change that answer.

Last year, I colored my hair blonde, wore a GQ-worthy outfit, took a selfie and applied a soft filter before I posted it on Instagram.

"Am I the fairest now?"

Mirror teased, “The fairest is Ricky Martin.”

This year, I showed off my banging body that was the result of not eating carbs for a year. I Photoshopped  it and pinched my waist smaller. I thought it was perfect.

The mirror thought that Nick Jonas was the rightful owner of the crown for fairest in Instagram-land.

Every selfie and every OOTD I posted on IG was met with the disdainful answer that I was not the most beautiful.

Tired and weary, my face showed the burden of holding on to my fading youth. Any time, I know I could face death. I'm afraid that I have not broken away from the pattern of vanity-envy-crazy.

Today, I decided to ask the Mirror, “Is there hope for me?”

She responded, "There is hope for you but stop asking the same question expecting a different answer.  And your highness, may I remind you again to address me by my proper name: SIRI."

She is right, even in her modern form as my iPhone, the enchanted mirror held the same wisdom of old that she has brought from her past life.

I asked, "Siri, What is the right question?"

She listed:

"How can I live a life of love and joy?"

"Who can I help today?"

"Where can I find peace?"

I repeated those questions and fairy dust trickled from the heavens. Siri must be right. These are the questions that will lead to freedom from the sins of my past.

Once upon a time, I was the Evil Queen. Most of this re-incarnated life; I repeated her pattern as the Drama Queen. But today, I think I have found a different path.  Today, with new questions in my heart around love, peace, charity and joy, I may have found a path to my happily ever after.

Come Clean

Today, I came clean, at the Groomers.

The Groomers is the abyss filled with horror and pain. 

The imp employed for my torture was waiting.  He started by shooting a stream of water at my chest. I shivered from the cold.  My body was wet and my fur clung to my skin.  He then rubbed soap all over me.  My eyes burned as the soap got into my eyes. I cried from the sting. 

For a moment, I caught a glimpse of you watching from behind the glass window that separated us.  I squealed to ask for your help.  No reaction.  I think you did not even see me.  Your mind seemed to be miles away.  I saw tears in your eyes.  You were crying from pain it seems like.  I wondered what the cause of your pain was.

                                       

My attention then turned to my own pain as my tormentor blasted me again with water.  I plotted to get away from him but lost all hope of escape when I realized that I was chained to the table. I surrendered to the torture.  I stopped struggling. I decided to be still.

In this stillness, I noticed, that there was something missing. I remembered that I scratched so hard last night and this morning that I ended up with wounds from digging my claws into my skin over and over again. The compulsion for me to scratch was gone.  Could it be that the water and soap healed me from the itch?  Could it be that my so called tormentor was actually my healer?

The groomer brought out another contraption that blew air that swept through my body.  I no longer felt pain and discomfort. In fact, the air felt like a gentle touch that is not unlike your touch when you pet me. I actually enjoyed that moment being bathed with air.  I then heard a voice, “Do you feel better?”  I felt a peaceful embrace. I realized it was you. You were hugging me and kissing me.

 “It’s time to come home.”

And just like that, my ordeal was done. I looked at my paws, and smelled myself, and I realized I was still my old self, after going through that suffering.  I was myself but better.  I was cleansed from the furies that drove me to scratch myself till I bled.

You picked me up from the groomer’s table and I looked at your face, I noticed that you still had tears in your eyes. 

I may not be wise but maybe you can listen to someone who journeyed through the abyss at the groomers and found healing in the end.  Whatever you are going through, should you follow my lead and come clean?  Go through your own abyss   Like me, you will get out of there, and I’ll be waiting for you when you come out to tell you,  “It’s time to come home.”

Inspiration

Body, Heart and Mind are waiting for Inspiration .  They need Inspiration to write but as always, it isn’t easy to get her to appear when they need her.  The last time Inspiration paid them a visit; Body, Heart and Mind had to jump off a cliff.

There isn’t a cliff anywhere near where they are so Body, Heart and Mind do what Mind thinks can draw her in. They bombard her with text messages which say, “Inspiration, we need you.  Please come”.

Time passes, and Inspiration does not come.

                                    

“I’m tired. I want to rest,” says Body, yawning.

“We need you to be awake when Inspiration comes.” Mind says.

Body decides to send a different text message to Inspiration, “Inspiration, we need you.  I’m tired.  Please come soon.”

The phone vibrates and Body reads the response, “Abandon all hope, only then shall I come.”

Mind stands up, paces back and forth, and then blurts out, “What does that mean, abandon hope?  I won’t abandon hope!  I need hope to get this writing done.”

At that moment, Phobos, their pet dog starts tugging at Mind’s pants.

“Mind, I think you should take Phobos for a walk.”

“That’s a good idea Heart.  I don’t think Inspiration is coming. I give up. Come Phobos, let’s go for a walk.”

As soon as Mind and Phobos get out the door, a lady in a tutu appears in the room.

“Hello my friends,”   she greets Body and Heart.

“Oh sweet inspiration, you came.”

“I’m happy to be here. Where is Mind?”

“He went out to take Phobos for a walk.”

“Perfect! It’s hard to make Magic with Mind around.  He always hope that he can control my magic.  I just wish he learns how to give up control sooner and let us do our work.”

“Are you ready to make magic?” Inspiration asks.

“We are ready.”

Inspiration sings a song.  Heart and body dance with each other to her song.  Words start to appear on the screen of the computer.   The trio is surrounded by Inspiration’s creative light.

When inspiration sings the last note, she says, “It is done.”

“This is wonderful,” Heart and Body say.

The door opens and Mind yells.

“Inspiration - you’re here. Let’s start working?”

“Hi Mind.  We’re finished. Read this and tell us what you think.”

Mind reads the piece, “This is horrible. Inconsistent tenses.  Missing punctuations.”

                                        

“My dear friends, I’d love to stay but I need to go,” Inspiration disappears.

Heart says to Mind, “Can you do us a favor and edit the piece? Make it better.”

“I will make it perfect.”

Heart and Body smile. They are happy with the piece but they trust that Mind will not be satisfied with it until he thinks it’s perfect.

“Read this.”

“Good job Mind.  Whatever can we accomplish without you?” Heart gushes.

“Nothing,” Mind says.

                              

“Can I go to sleep now?”  Body says.

“Go ahead and sleep Body.  We are done for today.  We did well.”

I Seek

Hands hold Stick

Blindfold on eyes

A Game to Seek

The paper beast

Stuffed White, Blue, Pink

With hidden treats

A voice speaks:

"Be smart, turn to your right." 

Am I smart? To the right, I turn. 

"Hit it."

Swing the stick with all my might. 

Swoosh! No hit.

An idiot,

Am I?

A voice speaks:

"Turn Left, my Love"

Am I loved?  I go to the left. 

"Hit it."

Swing the stick with all my might. 

Swoosh! No hit.

Unloved, 

Am I?

A voice speaks:

"Turn around, pretty one"

Another one speaks:

"Forward, my dear."

Am I Pretty?

Am I dear?

More voices speak

I follow Each

To be pretty,

To be loved

To be right

But each voice

Leads to Defeat

My arms are weak. 

I ask "What do I seek?" 

My heart speaks.

"Freedom, you seek,

Let go of stick. 

Let your eyes see

See what you seek."

I drop the stick,

I let my eyes see.

The voices that jeer

They're not here.

Mere Phantoms

That lead to defeat. 

Heart's voice is real.

It knows what I seek.

I seek to see

I seek to be free

I Know Nothing

How is it to live a life of curiosity? How is it to discover how it feels like to live, to truly live?

Can we be curious about how our body feels like when it experiences love, anger, fear, joy, disappointment? 

Our mind will say, I already know how it is. I know the ending to this story - and I don't like it. So the mind will refuse to cooperate and protest against this thing we will call "living our life".

Then the heart tricks us to doing as it pleases, disregarding the quiet protest that the mind has displayed - with its arms folded across its chest. Then we live life - and we experience the love, or anger, or fear, or joy, or all the other emotions we experience in our lives everyday. Then the mind speaks after all this and say "I know nothing".

You are AWAKE

Congratulations!  You have leveled up.  You have reached the world of AWAKE.

You have battled many monsters in the world of EGO and for a while,  it seemed like  you would never get out of that world but your heart energy was strong and all the angels were rooting for you - so it was inevitable for you to reach this stage in the game.

So in this world - of AWAKE - I have to deliver the warnings that come with any game.   You may find that it is not going to be easy in this world.  Your greatest challenge is your old friend - the EGO.  If you think that you have vanquished him in the previous realm - I’m sorry to say that as long as you have not reached the world of ENLIGHTENMENT - the EGO will always be there.   He will tell you that you don't belong here - and that you are not good enough - which might sometimes be enough to go back to his world and for you to sleep-walk once again.

So what does this mean for you?  The good news is that - you have gained the powers of AWAKENING.  You now know - that this world is not real.  That the only thing real is the LOVE that made this world for you.   But the ego will always attempt to convince you that this world is real - because once you go past AWAKENING - he knows that he will lose you forever.  His greatest power is fear - while yours is love.

Don’t be frightened - the angels are still with you.  You’ve learned your lesson - watch out for the signs.  For you - nature will always be the deliverer of the signs.  It will show you the right path but take note that the signs will not be visible - unless you remember that miracles - big or small - are manifesting all around you.

So enjoy this world my friend.  This is going to be fantastic.  You will be able to experience the best that this world has to offer - just keep your heart open.  And one more thing - don’t forget to activate up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-b-a - or simply just call out for help — and we’ll jolt you from your doldrums and remind you that you are AWAKE.

Confessions of the Tyrant Sun

During the day, the sun sits on his throne high in the sky. He is a wise ruler, but he is stern and cruel. Cruel to those who dare stand and stare at him in defiance. Those who defy him are punished with blindness.

“Follow my word,” he says.

“My light, my truth will keep you safe. There are monsters in the shadows, I can protect you from them.”

The sun is alone as he sits on his throne in the day sky. His subjects bow to him never looking at him, never questioning him. They have their heads bowed as they work to please the cruel Sun.

Then night time comes and the moon starts to take her seat on her throne. She is a benevolent ruler. That benevolence comes from the acknowledgement that her light is not alone in the night sky. The millions of stars are with her. Each one of them with their light and their truth, keeping their subjects safe. 

“Come look at me,” she says, “Come look at us. I the moon am your mother. The many stars your brothers and sisters.”

“We are here with you as you live through the night. As you look at us - we see ourselves reflected in your eyes.”

The moon’s subjects take comfort in these soothing words that they themselves are like her and the stars. Whatever monsters there are in the shadows - they can slay because within their eyes are the power of the universe’s light. So they lay to rest after sending their thanks to the moon and the stars.

I confess, that I am the tyrant sun during the brightest moments of my life. I am the arrogant ruler who thinks that mine is the only truth. I do not see others because I am blinded by the intense brightness of my arrogance. 

I confess that all the brightness goes away during the deepest and darkest moments of my life. As my own light fades, I lift my gaze to the night sky, and I see that I am not alone - and that I am not the only source of light. I find that my own truth is nothing but a small reflection of the truth that shines from the moon and the many stars in the sky.

So I ask of you my brothers and sisters - I ask for your forgiveness for only acknowledging your light and your truth during the night. I then ask for your blessing - to help me not get blinded by own arrogance during the brightest moments of my life. Those times, I need the Grace of the Divine to look much more closely and dim my own light - for me to see the miracle of you, the moon and the stars reflecting your own light and truth into my eyes.

I love My Job ( Even on a Monday)

The office chime is blaring from the speakers signaling the end of today’s work day. It’s a Monday – and Ben thought that the end of the work day couldn’t have come sooner.

Ben packed his bags – and walked out of his office

“Good bye everyone, y’all have a good evening.” Ben said to the people who sit next to his office.

Ben got to his car – which like many times before – is being driven by his father. He gets teased a lot by his office mates for that. He's a forty year old Papa's boy.

Ben asked his father about his pain therapy – to which his father replied. “OK lang --- mukhang gumagana naman yung therapy” (It was ok – it seems to be working).

“That’s good.” Ben said.

“That’s good,” Ben repeated and like all other car rides before this, his thoughts were no longer inside the car.

“I love my job but …”

Yes – Ben loves his job but it does feel like there are days like this when he thinks, “I love my job but …” He loves his job – but he can’t seem to think that most days – it’s drudgery. He doesn’t like the days when his mailbox is full and with each e-mail screaming "answer me". Or those days when there are a gazillion invoices and expense reports to review.

“Ugh!"

Then he paused and said to himself, “But those e-mails are nothing compared to the blessing of being able to connect to the people I work with.”

This again is the truth – Ben loves his team. It’s the best part of his job.

“I love my team but …”

Again – that word – BUT. Today he spoke to George who set up a meeting with him because he needs to bounce off an idea with Ben. The meeting went too long - and by the end of it - both Ben and George were confused. Ben recalls saying to George when the latter was expressing his frustration, “I know what you are saying and I understand where you are coming from and if I were in your shoes – I will feel and think the same way.”

That’s a lie. He doesn’t know where George is coming from. Ben is a people pleaser and he has the gift of saying what seems to be the right thing to say to others. This is why people like him because he makes them feel better when they talk to him. Ben likes the thought that people like him and he thinks that if his team mates don’t like him – he is nothing.

“But I wish I can just tell them the truth ... when they need to hear it ... even if they can't handle the truth.”

He muses, "I wish I can tell someone to fuck off when he or she is being a pain in the ass"

The car stopped – which halted Ben’s contemplation about his job. Ben hears his three dogs barking. He is home. He got off the car and headed on to the door. He opened the door to be welcomed by his dogs who seem to have missed him so much. He smiled – this is the highlight of his day.

“I love my job and – I live a good life. I should just be thankful.”

As Ben thought about this – he knew that these were just affirmations – that most days they are true but today – it’s a Monday --- and today he wishes that all the words were true.

Love is Enough

Midori, my Beagle, is staring at me with her beautiful almond shaped brown eyes. I love how she looks with her white face. I think that the white face gives her a very dignified look. My cute little dignified baby Beagle.

Her intent gaze is one of her tricks. She can bark to ask for the piece of chicken that I’m about to put in my mouth but she knows that the gaze is enough for me to give her this treat. So I tossed it over to her which she caught. She’s great at catching food. She never misses.

“Thank you,” she said.

“You’re welcome” I replied. I looked around and made sure nobody sees me speak to my dog.

“What’s up with you today?” she said. “You look glum.”

“I had a bad day at work,” I said with a sigh, “I didn’t prepare well for a presentation and it tanked. Now I feel like shit because I knew I should have prepared better for that presentation!”

Midori jumped onto the couch and walked over to me, put her paw on my shoulder and started licking my face.

“I love you.” She said.

“I love you too.”

Now it’s my turn to stare at her.

She stepped away, sat and started to ask. “What?” tilting her head to the side.

“Midori,” I said “What do you think of me … as a father - I mean?”

“Oh daddy,” she said rolling her eyes. “You know I can’t answer that question. We dogs don’t think. We can only feel.”

“I never put any thought on how you are as my daddy,” she paused and then started again, “Let me answer that question differently. I can't think of how you are as my Daddy but I can tell you how I feel about you. And I always feel the same. When you’re around … when you’re not around … when I eat … when I pee … when we take our walk … I just always feel love for you.”

I got emotional and started crying. I asked, “How Midori? How can you just feel love for me and nothing else?”

She licked my face again and whispered, “How can I not? Our creator made all of us with the power of love and therefore all creatures of this earth is filled with love.”

“And daddy, let me tell you a secret, even you are filled with love. Everything else that you see and feel that is not love is just an illusion.”

“Here is proof: Come and hug me and just feel what happens."

I hugged her. I hugged Midori and closed my eyes. I can feel her heartbeat and I can also feel our love for each other. We both just sat there as I hugged her tenderly. At that moment, I thought and felt, this moment is enough. I am enough. Love is enough. Love is all there is.

The Spirit Likes Quiet

Breathe.

I am your spirit and I ask you to breathe. Just breathe.

I can feel your sadness. I am not here to stop that sadness but I am here to get you through it. Just let the sadness flow through you. I know that this sadness makes you feel like you are falling through a bottomless pit. I can also feel that you are struggling as you fall. You reach out your hand through the darkness - hoping to hold on to something that will stop the fall.

As you fall through this bottomless pit of sadness,  I also feel other emotions; but the most dominant one that I can feel is your fear. There is fear that you are soon going to reach the bottom of this pit and you will hit the ground.  As much as you are suffering through this fall, you are afraid that when you hit the ground; you will suffer more and feel the pain of shattering into a million pieces.

I ask you now - as your spirit - to just breathe and stop struggling and stop reaching out for anything to hold on to as you fall into this pit.

I am going to share with you a couple of secrets.

You see - as you fall , I your spirit am here with you. As you get close to the bottom of the pit, when you see the end - when you can feel the ground about to hit you, you will not shatter into a million pieces because that's when I can save you. That's when I will catch you. I will be here to protect you and spread our wings so we can stop the fall.

But there's another secret  that I need you to hear and understand. I have an alternative to coming to the rescue at the last moment of this fall. The alternative is for you to just breathe. And as you breathe - just be quiet. Be quiet - because I - your spirit likes quiet. I am most powerful in silence. If at this time in your sadness, you stop struggling and stop thinking and let quiet to take over, I can do my best work a lot sooner and way before we hit the bottom of this pit.

So please breathe my beloved self. Be quiet so I your spirit can help us through this sadness and so that I can use our wings to lift us up from this sadness.

Breathe and sink into the silence, into the quiet, into the peace of your spirit.

That Thing Called Compassion

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

It had been a month since I attended the facilitator's training for TeamUp.  With this training,   I have intentions of taking steps closer to living a mindful life and also helping others who choose to live a mindful life.  Note that when I started my mindfulness journey - compassion was not in my mind as a result of what I was doing. but as I went deeper into my mindfulness practice; it just became front and center of some of my practice.  So today - I'd like to talk about it and what I think about compassion.

During the TeamUp training,  I actually had - what Brene Brown called a breakdown/spiritual awakening.  It was the third day of training and I just found myself uncontrollably sobbing.   Finally,  I felt that I just had to share with everyone what I was feeling:

"I'm having a breakdown all by myself here - that I felt I just needed to share what I'm going through.  I am an openly gay man and I have experienced coming out years ago.   They say that someone gay can only come out once in his/her lifetime.  It's like being born - you can only be born once in a lifetime.  I remember that coming out experience and as much as I was afraid of expressing to the world that I was gay for fear of being rejected,  I would say that it was also a beautiful experience because it allowed me to release all of those bottled up feelings and ideas prior to coming out.

"Today - I feel that once again - I'm going through a coming out process.  This time,  it's no longer about my sexuality.   When I asked to speak to my voice of compassion during the Big Mind exercise,  I've come to realize that for so long,  I have tried to fit in to what I thought was how I should be.   The problem is - fitting in meant that I had to bottle up my big personality.   Today - I've realized that this big personality of mine wants to come out and be seen.   It is no longer taking the crap from my ego - and it just wants to proclaim it's bigness to all of you."

After saying that,  I felt so expanded.  It was as if I have emptied myself out and is actually experiencing love from the Universe pouring into the emptied vessel of my soul.

So what does this experience have anything to do with compassion?    

In response to what I have shared,  a woman named Laura gave me feedback and shared some of her own thoughts on the coming out process.

"She said - my Darling - I love you dearly and now I know why.   Having said that - I actually want to share with you what my Mom told me during my coming out process.   She said, 'Coming out is a horrible term to use for what you are going through.  Coming out somehow denotes being found out.   Revealing to the world a secret - or coming out of hiding.   I really think that when someone accepts who they really are in their sexuality,   instead of coming out,  one actually comes into herself/himself.'   So my Darling - my friend - I really think that what I will tell you now will resonate with you because you may find this as the truth.   What you are going through is that you have deeply come into yourself and recognized that part of you that you are ready to share with the whole world.   And this is a beautiful experience that I am so grateful to have experienced."

That feedback blew me away.   She is right - what I have actually been experiencing is this deep connection with that part of myself that until then - I have pushed away and denied.   And when I felt that compassion - I realized that instead of pushing away that part of me - and suffering through it - by being disconnected from it,   what will be most helpful for my growth is to embrace it.

Compassion - when you look it up in the web for it's definition is a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for someone who experiences sorrow.   It is a also a feeling that comes with a strong feeling to alleviate that suffering. Compassion comes with the need to take action - even if that action comes with lending an ear towards someone else when they need to express what they are going through.   It comes from that deep truth that at the end of the day,  we're all one - with our lives.   We are connected to each other and therefore another person's suffering and cares in this life --- we share in that suffering and cares as well.   But one thing that I have come to realize is that compassion - like love - starts with oneself.

At the end of that training for TeamUp,  we had to share what we learned during those three days.   This is what I shared:

"I learned about compassion.  I also learned how we are connected to one another.   I realized that during those moments when I encounter people I don't like,  or I feel contraction towards my interaction with another person or his/her behavior,  more often than not - how I feel is a reflection of how I feel about parts of me that I don't like and have actually disowned."

So my dear friend,  I ask of you.   Start reflecting upon how you feel about yourself - by looking at how you feel about others.   Before you embark on trying to fix the world --- it is best to start looking at yourself and the things that need to be fixed.  Is there some part of you that you have disowned or have buried into oblivion because you didn't like it?   Talk to that part of you and deal with it with love.   Know that the part of you that you have denied is suffering - for acknowledgment.

Only when you have reconciled everything with love - and compassion - about yourself - can you truly start engaging with other people with deep love and compassion.

I am rambling - I am trying to express concepts now that I am struggling to express in the past month.   But alas - I don't feel that I am successful.  So I will stop for now.  But know this --- my promise in my life - and hopefully as you read this - you can start early.  I promise to feel love deep within us.  Love for who we are - so we can be beacons of love for the world around us.

With much Love,

The Forty Year Old you

Certainty and Faith

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

I am currently reading this book: The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.  I love this book.  It actually puts into words all of the divine experiences that I've had in my life that I am starting to notice more everyday.   For me,  one of the things that is resonating well is the idea of certainty in the divine purpose of our lives - and that it is meant to be joyful and full of love.

So as you sit there reading this letter,  I want you to think of one of Gabrielle's exercises.  Think of what you will be doing if you are certain and that you don't have any doubt about your purpose and the life that you're meant to live filled with love and joy.   I have completed this exercise and here I share with you what I have come up with.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to honestly speak about how I feel.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to live a curious life.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to focus on gaining joyful and loving experiences instead of collecting material possessions.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to be grateful when I receive compliments.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to talk to strangers especially strangers I am attracted to.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to please myself and take care of my wants and needs before I take action to please others and take care of their wants and needs.  

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to identify my personal boundaries and communicate them to people I interact with.

Releasing doubt will give me the certainty and faith to act with spontaneity.

With Much Love,

The Forty Year Old You

Do It For Yourself

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

I just dyed my hair gray.  Not blonde.   Not light brown.  Not black.  I dyed it gray.  You might be asking why I would do that when everyone who gets older - try to hide the silver gray hair that pops up as they age.  Firstly - this is not silver gray.   It's gray - without the silver.   It's actually en vogue in 2016 - and more and more younger people are trying it out.  Last weekend - I became one of those people.

The whole process took five hours.  The stylist had to strip away as much color as she could from my hair - which means I had to go through three bleaching processes.  After the bleaching process - my hair was white.   Then she applied the ash-gray color.   I could feel my hair screaming as we did this because it must have been a painful process for them.  The day after - some of my hair strands fell off - which - is good enough reason for me to tell myself - that now that I've experienced this - never again will I do it.

How do I find my gray hair look?   I love it.  It just gave me an edgy look that I've never really experienced even when I was young.   As you know - we've always tried trends but not to the extreme.  In fact - dyeing my hair gray,  I keep on telling myself that it still fits my overall look - unlike blonde - because everyone goes gray as they age.   Unlike blonde - which I've always thought will never fit my skin tone.

How do people find the look?   Almost everyone find it cool.  All I can say is that I feel so much love from a lot of our friends and family.   Them liking it is actually just extra for me because - in the end - I dyed my hair not to get people's approval.  I dyed my hair because I was curious about the look and how I would be able to carry it.

Of course - there will be a small number of people who don't like it - and there's one lady who expressed that it made me look old.   I've been reflecting on that comment - and as much as I try to say it doesn't bother me - I still want to give a tongue lashing at her.   In fact I kinda did,  I responded to her comment by saying, "It's a good thing that I am not doing this for you and I'm doing it for myself.  I'm very satisfied with it - and that is all there is to it."

Tongue lashing or not - I just want to make sure that you get that message.  In the end - the things that you want to do to yourself must be done from a place of curiosity and self compassion.  You must understand that you are doing it for yourself - and no matter what other people say - that you still love yourself despite what they say.   I'm starting to realize this as I age.  In the end - I am the only person I need to satisfy for my own look or what I wear.  Everyone else's opinion do not matter.

As I write this now - I've found a corollary to these words of wisdom.   As much as I should not care what other people say about how I look,  I should also not care about what other people do with their looks.   That's a great learning for me because - I am a very judgmental person.   I judge people based on their looks.  I thought it made me cool --- but now i realize it just makes me an ass$#)(*Q&.

So - the next time you want to do something crazy - ask yourself - can you live with yourself regardless of the consequences of those actions?  Don't care about what other people say - unless it actually has a direct impact on them.   What matters most is what you think and how you feel about it.   And - the corollary - mind your own business and if people make decisions that do not impact you or it does not cause injustice to another being --- you shouldn't care about it.

With Much Love,

The Forty Year Old You.

Fall in Love More Often

Dear Thirty Year Old Me

You don't fall in love often.  You actually fall in love only when you decide that it's time to fall in love.  The problem of course that you encounter with that premise is that - because you are opent ot falling in love at that time - the poor soul that you direct that affection towards becomes the receipient of this longing energy.

Here's the thing - you are actually a very attractive man.  DOn't let all the rejections you have previously received fool you.   YOu are attractive - but everytime you fall in love - you become unattractive in the eyes of the person you fall in love with.

The unattractiveness is not physical.  It actually has something to do with the energy that you bring foth which makes you not whole.

YOu are not whole because you tend to communicate that you are unwhole unless you actually get the affection of the person of your affection.

SO - this is my advice to you.  The next time you fall in love.  Cherish the feeling.  But make sure that you understand that you don't need the object of your affection to return that feeling for you to cherish the beauty that you experiene from that feeling.

You are definitely more than the desire for that feeling to be returned towards you.

THe other advice I have for you - is that you must fall in love more often.  That's the only way you can practice the appropriate skills that should come your way when you fall in love.  The skill of expressing your affection.  The skill of reining in the feeling.  The skill of dealing with the rejection.

fall in love often - and one day - the object of your affection will return that affection your way.

With most love

The forty year old you

Generosity

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

Today I have encountered three experiences which has lead me to think of the concept of generosity.  Let me start with the most recent event that I've experienced.   I have actually just finished watching a video of a speech delivered by Simon Sinek - author of the book "Start With Why".  I will not dwell with the topic of his speech - but I want to touch upon what he said about generosity.   He indicated that doing an act of generosity makes us feel good.  This will lead us to think that in mankind's evolution,  mother nature fired up all the synapses and the chemistry in our brain to make us feel good when we do an act of giving --- because this is essential to our species survival and growth.   Mother nature rewards our acts of kindness with feeling good because we need to want to do it over and over again.

The second experience that I wanted to share with you is the conversation that I had with my dermatologist and another one of her patient.  She and I talked about our shared experience of taking care of our parents.   She actually told her other patient - who is just about to graduate from College - that it is important for the latter to realize that it is her mission to be generous to her parents.   Her success in life may very well depend on that.   I reinforced that message.   I know that in my life,  when I have actually whole heartedly accepted the responsibility to take care of my parents - and be generous with them,  my income continued to grow.   So for people like me - the thought of being generous goes beyond feeling good over it.  It also somehow convinces us that it actually is the tenet of our success.   One can argue - that the generosity actually provides one motivation to do well in their chosen career because the success actually allows someone not just to support himself - but also to support his loved ones.

The last experience I want to share with you is that today - as usual I've chanced upon the homeless women along session road.   I typically have spare change for them - but today unfortunately I didn't have change.  So I wasn't able to give them anything.   In the past - when I give them something, even the smallest change - I actually feel really good about it.  Think about it --- giving money to the homeless is actually a legitimate business transaction ( not my original idea,  Simon Sinek actually brought that up in his speech ).   You give them money so you can feel good.  To be honest - that's a pretty good way to spend one's money - compared to trying to feel good by consuming alcohol or buying the latest gadget.

Anyways - my parting words for you my friend is that you must take opportunities to be generous.   It's a blessing that you have that you have actually received the resources to be generous.   Take advantage of it --- you may not be remembered as the best looking man in the world - but to be remembered as the generous son, uncle, brother, boss --- that's actually worth a lot more than the former.

With all my Generous Heart,

The Forty Year Old You.