Dear 30 Year Old Me,
Today - I decided to revisit this blog. I laughed at the articles I wrote to you - but all in all I was actually impressed with the writing. It was very personal and I realized that as much as I really wanted to help other people with the blog posts that I wrote, I actually found that it helped me more than it helped others. In fact I don't even know if other people read this blog.
So I read the posts from the beginning. I enjoyed reading them and I don't know why - but I also learned from those ideas - even if I know I wrote them.
Then the blog posts stopped - and the weird thing is that the last blog post was written on December 22, 2015. Today is December 22, 2016 - so it's exactly a year from the last time that I wrote anything for this blog.
Here's the thing - when I read the last letter - I realized that there was a lot of excitement and hope in that letter. I was talking about my intention to publish a self-help blog which comes from conversations that I have with myself. Those were really powerful pieces - and after reading the last letter that I had for you - I dug through my archives and wanted to see why I never really published those conversations.
Then - as I read the unpublished articles - I realized why I stopped writing them. Those articles were scary. They remind me of the Gremlins that I just read about from the books "The Gift of Imperfection" and "Daring Greatly" by my favorite author at the moment: Brene Brown. When I wrote those articles - I have not even read any of Brene's work --- and the transcript of those conversations with the Gremlins were buried in my subconscious - and I think it's fortuitous for me to find them now that I just finished reading "Daring Greatly".
You see - there's a lot of shame that I bared in those transcripts. I guess - you can say that frightened myself too much - that's why I never published them. They were the manifestations of the "You're not Good Enough" and the "Who Do you think You are?" gremlins that Brene referred to.
But today - I have resolved - I will publish them and it may not be the best thing to do. But I do know that I want to publish them because it helps me get through the fears that I have buried wiht regards to the topics I actually talked about. To be honest - I won't call it bravery that I'm publishing it because I know that nobody reads these blogs --- at least nobody that I know.
So my dear young self --- I hope you're still there reading my letters. I hope that you didn't grow tired of waiting. I'm back and I do hope to correspond with you a lot more regularly from now on.
With much Love,
Your Forty Year Old Self
