The Mañana Habit

Dear Thirty Year old Me,

In my previous e-mail,  I confessed that I am a Procrastinator.  I have proclaimed to the whole world that I have the mañana habit.  In this entry, I would like to explain to you my reasons for trying to kick the habit.

1. Mañana/Procrastination is an expensive Habit.

I used to be a smoker.  I'm happy to say that it's one bad habit that I successfully got out of my system since the year 2010.  It was an expensive Habit - a pack a day can lead to expenses of up to 1,200 pesos a month.

That is actually nothing to the expense that I incur from the Mañana habit.  Let's start with the late fees that I often pay for my bills.  I have actually paid so many late fees for my credit card, my electricity, mobile phone subscription, and internet fees.

Apart from the late fees - I also incur unnecessary expenses from not terminating services that I no longer use.  For example ( and this one I'm working on ) - I left my previous house in June 2013.  Up to now, I have not disconnected my phone and internet service.   So it's been 7 months that I've been paying for a phone and internet service that I am not using.

2.  Procrastination Leads to Unnecessary Stress That Poses Danger to my Health

I have expressed in my previous post that from the outside looking in - you may actually think that I do not have problems with Procrastination.  I am a successful guy.  Most of the bosses that I worked for love working with me and they love the result of my work.

Unbeknownst to my bosses - most of the time - I actually have to spend sleepless nights two to three days prior to my deadlines when I turn in my work.  This could be the annual budget for next year.  It could be the written appraisal for my team.   The output is typically superior ( although every time I wish and I knew that I could have done better.   Sleepless nights are not good for my health.  Those sleepless nights and the act of cramming also leads to me skipping my lunch and eating snacks that are not good for my health.

3.  Postponing decisions Causes Lost Opportunities

Back in the year 2000 - I was convinced by a very persuasive real estate agent to invest on a condominium unit in Makati.  It had easy monthly payment terms.  The problem is that after 2 years - I will have to pay for the unit.  You can actually get a loan for that if the monthly payments that I paid prior to that was equivalent to at least 20% of the total amount of the loan.  Unfortunately - the easy monthly payment terms were just 15% of the amount that I needed.  So I cannot get a loan from the bank.   I could have addressed this by saving up on my own --- but saving money is another problem that a procrastinator has.  Long story short - I defaulted on the investment - and I forfeited the money that I have already paid for the property.

The same thing happened to some insurance and retirement investment that I ended up defaulting because I let the monthly payments go past due.

4.  I am not Getting Any Younger

People say that age is just a number --- but it is a significant number.   At my current age - I will be at retirement age sooner that we all think.  If I don't get my financials and my life in order --- I may end up without money to spend when I do retire.

Moreover - the fountain of youth has not been discovered.  As one ages - our body could not handle the same amount of stress that we used to be able to handle when we were young.   My biological clock is going TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK - and it's telling me that I really don't have time to just waste the time that I have.

These are the four main reasons why I want to kick the habit.  I want to get things done timely.  I want to face the Procrastination monster and look into it's eyes and say - "I am going to defeat you."

With much Love,

The forty year old you

Why do I Procrastinate

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

When dealing with problems - it's good to look for the root cause.  In the case of my procrastination problem - I've tried so many times in the past to deal with it by telling myself that if I just gain the "discipline" to get things done on time,  I will solve this problem.  Since I'm writing this blog right now - you may actually have realized that this approach wasn't successful.   So I told myself - I need help in understanding the nature of the beast.   What is it about procrastination that makes it difficult for me to solve?

Like any civilized person in our day and age - who is trying to solve a problem - the first thing that I did was to google the following:  "How can I solve my Problems with Procrastination?".   There were many entries that appeared but what caught my eye is the book: "Procrastination, Why You Do It and What to Do About it Now".   The book was originally written and published in 1983 and was republished in 2008.  The concepts that the authors talked about in 1983 were still relevant ( if not more relevant ) in the year that we live in.   For someone like me - Procrastination has become much more of a problem - especially with the distractions that are presented by the Internet.

Reading the book,  there were so many times that I actually felt that I was part of the community of people that the authors (Jane Burka and Leonora Yuen) spoke to when they were conducting their study.  It was as if they were reading my mind during those moments that I procrastinate.  One good example is when they wrote about the Procrastinator's Code - which I am publishing in this entry. 

      I must be perfect.

      Everything I do should go easily and without effort.

      It's safer to do nothing than to take a risk and fail.

      I should have no limitations.

      If it's not done right,  it's not worth doing at all.

      I must avoid being challenged.

      If I succeed someone will get hurt.

      If I do well this time,  I must always do well.

      Following someone else's rule means I'm giving in and I'm not in control.

      I can't afford to let go of anything or anyone.

      If I show my real self, people won't like me.

      There is a right answer, and I'll wait until I find it.

(Lifted from the book: Procrastination, Why you Do It, and What to do About it Now )

As I read these statements,  I actually understood why I have a horrible time kicking the Manana Habit.  Growing up,  my family ( and in the Filipino context - that actually means extended family ), values perfection.   When I was in High School - my uncles will chide me for studying and being engrossed in school - when they know that I'm a smart kid - and I can get by with high grades even if I don't prepare for exams.  My family ( and as I got older - even myself ) - will look down at the students who gets good grades because they worked hard.   We ended up thinking that we are "Privileged" and we shouldn't be working too hard because we have God-given gifts.

This lead me to believe that if I don't have a natural talent for something - or my natural talent will not get the best product/result - I'd rather not do it.  Unfortunately - as one grows up you face situations where you need to get things done that is outside of your God-given gifts.  

I never admitted this before ---- but after I read the book --- I realized that I'm not very good in failing.   Looking back at my childhood - I can think of a key moment that may have scarred me for life.   When I was in 3rd and 4th grade - I finished first in class.  On my 5th year - someone else in my class was just better and worked harder - and I ended up 2nd in class.  My father saw that as a failure.   He refused to pin my 2nd place medal.   I was disappointed and deeply hurt.  I actually worked hard for that 2nd place finish - as I said - the one who got first place was just better.

From then on - I started to be afraid of exerting full effort in my academics.   I started to distract myself from it by going to extra-curricular activities.  I was part of the Glee club - and I enjoyed being "excused" from classes to practice for the Glee club.  Of course - if you're not in class - you have an excuse when you don't get 100 items right in your exam.   From there - my father thought that what's causing my inability to get good grades is the Glee club --- and it was no longer about my abilities.  Long story short - I ended up 2nd place - which surprisingly was ok with my father because in the end - I wasn't giving it my all.

As a grown up - these memories still haunt me.   It isn't a conscious thought - but I do know that I ended up delaying execution of tasks till the last minute - for activities that I am not sure I will be successful with.   I don't want to disappoint someone - so I end up delaying crucial conversations.   I am not sure - I will be good in golf - so I stopped taking golf lessons.   I will not approach someone I'm attracted to for fear of being rejected.

In the last couple of weeks - this realization has actually helped me a lot.  I still have important things that are undone.   The good news is that I've made progress in some of the to-dos that I was trying to forget I need to do.   I will attempt to write about the steps that I took to deal with the root cause of my procrastination problem.   Someone once said that a journey starts with a single step ( forward ) - and I took those steps.

With much Love,

The Forty Year old You

If you are dealing with the same problem that I have - I encourage you to ask yourself what goes through your mind when you want to put off an activity?   From there - it can definitely help you figure out the energy that is feeding the Procrastination beast.  If you find that energy and stop it from flowing - you will have a better chance of taking the necessary steps to once and for all stop the Procrastination monster from hounding you.

Thinking of Worst Case Scenario

Dear Timmy,

Since I started writing my letters to you,  I successfully addressed three things in my life that had been haunting me prior to the end of last year.   They were tasks that I have been putting off.   Two of them had something to do with work and one was a personal one.

One of the things that I was putting off - was contacting my former land lady for the refund of my security deposit.  After moving out from my previous house,  I kept on telling myself that I was going to call my land lady the week after but work became really busy and I wasn't able to contact my land lady immediately.  Last August - I thought of contacting her - but I had this irrational fear that I will not be able to get my refund and that I will get into an argument with the landlady.   There was no basis for my fear --- but I told myself that I was not ready for such a confrontation.

Months passed - and I told myself that I really didn't have anything to fear - and that I should really just call the landlady and get as much money as I could from my security deposit.  No need to argue with her on the final amount - just accept what she offers.  When I was already going to call her - I decided to hang up before it rings because I thought to myself - what if it's too late?  What if she will not give it to me - because I waited too long?

Last month - I got a text from her.  She asked why I have not contacted her for my security deposit refund?  She offered that if I prefer for her to just buy a Gucci bag with the money that she owes me - she'd be happy to do that.

I felt a great sense of relief when she contacted me.  Apparently - she was really puzzled that I waited for so long to get a significant amount of money.  

Looking back at this situation that I was in - I actually found that I tend to think of the worst scenario during these times that I procrastinate.   It starts with me being too lazy to act --- then as time passes by - it transforms to me thinking that I don't want to confront another person about being too lazy in the past.  I didn't want to be judged.

9 times out of 10 - I find that the worst case scenario that I tend to believe in my head - does not come true.  The fear that fuels my procrastination is really irrational.

If you are like me who encounter this in your life --- I suggest looking back at the times that you have actually procrastinated.   In those cases - when you finally acted on it --- did the worst case scenario that you imagined actually come true?   I'm sure that most of the time - it didn't.

For me --- I have used this knowledge - to deal with my problem in the past month.  When I think of the bad things that can come out of taking an action - I face the mirror - and I talk to myself.  I tell the person in the mirror --- that the reality is that what I fear - is not likely to happen.   I then listen to myself - and then I act.  Guess what!   I was right almost all of the time. The worst case scenario is just in my head. 

With much love,

The 40 year old you