Writing with the Hibby Jibbies

Dear 30-Year-Old-Me,

The past two weeks,  I had been writing.  What I have written gives me the hibby jibbies.  The hair on my neck and my arms seem to stand on end from the writing that I do.

I am actually preparing to launch a blog. It is a self help blog.  Thing is - when I started writing instructions to what I thought would be my readers,  I realized that it's hard for me to give any instructions.

So I decided to call upon my inspiration and ask him to help me out.  There is a writer named Elizabeth Gilbert ( she wrote Eat, Pray, Love ).  She spoke in a TED Talk and she posited that the post-modern view of a writer being a tortured soul who needs to give birth to their creation is a departure from the ancient point of view of creation.  Creation is not the sole product of the self.  Creators partner with a spirit which the Greeks call Daemon and the Romans call the Genius.  So you see - in the ancient times,  a Genius is the inspiration who brings forth the creation.  In our times,  Genius is the person who brings forth the creation.  Imagine how big of a responsibility it is for the creator - and to be honest - any creative work is too much for a person to bear the responsibility to bring it forth.

So I called on to my Genius and asked for her help.

Then a voice seems to have spoken to me - and said - why don't you write about the conversations that you have with yourself when you face the difficult decisions in your life?

I played around with the voice - and said - sure - why not?   What am I going to lose by doing that?

Uhmm ... a lot?   You know what I mean.  The voices in our head can be evil.  I would never dare let anyone hear what I say to myself.

That voice is selfish,  jealous,  impatient,  judgmental.   I don't want people to see me in that  light.

But then --- they don't see me in that light.  Most people actually see me as the mild mannered one.

The voice said - that I should write about it because most people would want to find the courage to actually squash those voices in their head.

Ok then --- so write I did.

I have written three articles so far - and they give me the hibby jibbies.   It's inspired writing.  At least - if I see this in a book somewhere - I will buy the book.

I wish I will have the courage to publish it.

With Much Love,

The forty year old you

Practicing Down-Stays with The Dogs and How That Technique Helps us Get Stronger

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

We have two dogs.  The older dog is Midori - and she's a beagle.  The younger one is Char Siew - the Chinese Shar Pei.   We love both dogs.   They are our four legged children.   In fact,  our niece adorably calls them cousins.

Most people will say that we spoil our dogs.  Since we don't have human children - we tend to be generous with the material things for Char Siew and Midori --- treats, toys,  dog food.  The thing is - I think that what they appreciate most is when we spend time playing with them.

Last weekend,  I spent a lot of time with the two fur-babies.  I also had a lot of treats - from my recent trip to the US.  These are yummy treats - bacon, salmon, beef.  The time available - and the presence of the treats was the perfect opportunity to train the dogs.  Right now,   I'm trying to train them to do prolonged down-stays.  We are now able to do 45 second down stays.  In the past,  I've had longer - but it was not consistent.  I was actually very impatient with the progress --- and I ended up not being able to embed the behavior with the dogs - before moving on to tougher challenges.

This time - I know better.   I am progressing with the time - slowly.  I am also doing the training regularly.  Daily down-stay practice after our morning walk seems to actually work well.  This is our planned progress:

We started with 5 second down - stays last week - Tuesday.  We then progressed to 10 second down stays last Wednesday.  Then it progressed to 15, 20, 25, 30, and today 45.   Take note that even before we attempt the 20, 25, 30 and 45 - we actually warm up with many 10 second down stays.

I think that this experience is a good template for making progress in our other goals.   For example,  in my weight lifting program,   I have actually added reps and weights very slowly.   I realized that doing this reduces any risks of over-training.   For example - this is how I progressed with the weights for my bench press:   There are actually 3 main sets for the bench press and I started with 5 sets of 70 lbs each.   The week after that,   The first set - I increased to six but kept the same weight for all sets.   Then on week 3 - I kept 6 reps for the first set;  then increased the second set to 6 reps - and then kept the 3rd set to 5 reps.   So if you look at my training progress journal it looks like this:

Week 1:  Set 1: 5 reps, 75 lbs.   Set 2: 5 reps 75 lbs  Set 3: 5 reps, 75 lbs.

Week 2:  Set 1: 6 reps, 75 lbs.   Set 2: 5 reps 75 lbs  Set 3: 5 reps, 75 lbs.

Week 3:  Set 1: 6 reps, 75 lbs.   Set 2: 6 reps 75 lbs  Set 3: 5 reps, 75 lbs.

Week 4:  Set 1: 6 reps, 75 lbs.   Set 2: 6 reps 75 lbs  Set 3: 6 reps, 75 lbs.

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Week 10: Set 1: 8 reps, 75 lbs.   Set 2: 8 reps 75 lbs  Set 3: 8 reps, 75 lbs.

Week 11: Set 1: 5 reps, 80 lbs.   Set 2: 8 reps 75 lbs  Set 3: 8 reps, 75 lbs.

So with this plan - it took me more than 10 weeks before I increased the weight.   However - every week - I was getting stronger.  My muscles are learning how to do more work - and thus allows it to get bigger - with a much more reduced risk of getting injured.

When I showed this plan to one of my friends - he said that it will not give me the beach body that I would want to have for summer next year.   My response - is that my goal is not to have a beach body by summer of next year.   My goal is to progressively get stronger - and it if takes me years to get there - I am willing to wait.

So going back to the training activity that I'm doing with my dogs.   My goal is not to have the dogs stay for one hour by next year.   My goal is for them to learn that they will be rewarded for following the commands that I give them.  

My dear friend - in everything that you do - I would like you to keep this in mind.   Slow but sure beats fast and risky.   In a lot of your goals - you don't need to get there the fastest - your goal is to beat yourself.   Beat the records you set the previous week - and in the long haul - if you continue building your strength or building your dogs' ability to do a down-stay --- you will notice that you will be much stronger than a large part of the population who never even started lifting weights or who started but they got injured because they progressed too fast.

One thing that I keep on telling my team now is that the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.  The next best time is to plant it today.

With much Love,

The Forty Year Old you.

Generosity

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

Today I have encountered three experiences which has lead me to think of the concept of generosity.  Let me start with the most recent event that I've experienced.   I have actually just finished watching a video of a speech delivered by Simon Sinek - author of the book "Start With Why".  I will not dwell with the topic of his speech - but I want to touch upon what he said about generosity.   He indicated that doing an act of generosity makes us feel good.  This will lead us to think that in mankind's evolution,  mother nature fired up all the synapses and the chemistry in our brain to make us feel good when we do an act of giving --- because this is essential to our species survival and growth.   Mother nature rewards our acts of kindness with feeling good because we need to want to do it over and over again.

The second experience that I wanted to share with you is the conversation that I had with my dermatologist and another one of her patient.  She and I talked about our shared experience of taking care of our parents.   She actually told her other patient - who is just about to graduate from College - that it is important for the latter to realize that it is her mission to be generous to her parents.   Her success in life may very well depend on that.   I reinforced that message.   I know that in my life,  when I have actually whole heartedly accepted the responsibility to take care of my parents - and be generous with them,  my income continued to grow.   So for people like me - the thought of being generous goes beyond feeling good over it.  It also somehow convinces us that it actually is the tenet of our success.   One can argue - that the generosity actually provides one motivation to do well in their chosen career because the success actually allows someone not just to support himself - but also to support his loved ones.

The last experience I want to share with you is that today - as usual I've chanced upon the homeless women along session road.   I typically have spare change for them - but today unfortunately I didn't have change.  So I wasn't able to give them anything.   In the past - when I give them something, even the smallest change - I actually feel really good about it.  Think about it --- giving money to the homeless is actually a legitimate business transaction ( not my original idea,  Simon Sinek actually brought that up in his speech ).   You give them money so you can feel good.  To be honest - that's a pretty good way to spend one's money - compared to trying to feel good by consuming alcohol or buying the latest gadget.

Anyways - my parting words for you my friend is that you must take opportunities to be generous.   It's a blessing that you have that you have actually received the resources to be generous.   Take advantage of it --- you may not be remembered as the best looking man in the world - but to be remembered as the generous son, uncle, brother, boss --- that's actually worth a lot more than the former.

With all my Generous Heart,

The Forty Year Old You.

I want To Live a Healthy and Happy Life

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

Yesterday I wrote to you about one of the superficial "whys" that seem to drive a lot of what I decide on in life.  I talked to you about my need to feel that other people perceive me as a cool dude.  I say it's superficial because if you think about it,  having that value actually leads to being someone who would like to fit in.  How does one fit in?  One fits in by buying the latest gadgets that come out in the market even if you don't really have a need for the new gadget.   It also means following the latest fashion trend even if what you used to wear actually still works.   Largely for me - being cool actually means buying stuff.   But it doesn't end there.   Being cool also means not expressing my disagreement with people who are the "powers that be" even if they are wrong.

So today - I have come to realize - that as much as this value has actually been what I have used as a compass in my journey in life - I think I just have to throw it away.  It is time to throw away the value of "coolness".

The problem that I now face though is that when I throw this away,  I feel naked.  It's like I don't really have anything to show for now - because other people's opinion - which guided my life is no longer the guide that I choose for my life.   So what should I follow now?

To answer this question,  I had to ask myself why I have progressively been asking for answers on how to live a better life.  I actually realized - that the momentum has actually started over two years ago.   It started  when my niece - our niece - who was eight years old then was diagnosed with cancer.   As you can imagine - that was devastating for us in her family.   The thing is - when that news broke out,  I started reading to see how someone can deal with a disease like that.  You know what I learned?  I learned that the disease that we call cancer - is one which actually develops,  when one's body starts to attack itself.  I am not a doctor - so I'm sure that this statement will sound too simplistic.  But think about it.  Cancer cells are actually cells that mutated into "little monsters" inside  a patient's body - starting to attack the healthy cells around it.

So in my quest to actually figure out how to deal with the disease of my niece,  I came across so many written articles about ensuring that we help my niece to get her healthy cells to stand up against the cancer cell.  We need to get her healthy cells to be stronger.   I'll tell you four important actions, that a cancer patient needs to take to get healthy:

- Eat healthful food.    Vegetables - green and leafy ones can help the body build the strength to get their healthy cells stronger.

- Stop poisoning the body.   Right now,  we actually feed ourselves with so much chemicals not by taking poison straight from the bottle.  We do it by ingesting processed food.   A lot of food items that come in a box or in a plastic bag are actually mixed with chemicals that in their native form will scare any human being from ingesting them.

- Build a healthy mind.  The mind controls everything in our body.  If our mind is sluggish and overtaken by stress, it can't come up with the necessary actions to help your body to choose to get well.

- Build a happy heart.   Our feelings need to be filled with all the positive feelings.   Stress and sadness actually causes our body to build up toxic chemicals within our body.  These toxic chemicals feed the mutated cells that we call cancer.  Moreover - these toxic chemicals actually cause your healthy cells to weaken.

The thing is,   with all this knowledge,  I am unable to figure out how to impart this knowledge to a child.   She is a smart kid and I know that she can actually understand half of what I will tell her - but I realized that if I was going to help my niece - the best way to teach her is to actually be the best example for her.   So I decided that I should actually practice the four items that I mentioned above - and I have progressively made bigger and bigger decisions in my life to be the Super Human with healthy cells.

So - what's the point of telling this story?  I am telling you this story because I'm starting to realize that this my why.   My why is to actually live a great life so I can be the best model to my niece - so she can live a wonderful life full of passion which will in turn help her keep her healthy cells strong.  I need to be the positive influcence in her life so she can choose to live a life with a healthy mind and a happy heart.

I know that I rambled through this letter - and I apologize for that.   The ideas are just flowing out as I type this letter - and I have not had a chance to organize it.  I ask that you stay patient with me and I believe that as we continue on this journey - we will really discover the life that we can live - not just for ourselves - but also for the people who matter to us.

With all my Happy Heart,

The Forty Year Old You

I Want to Be Cool. I'm Afraid of being Uncool

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

You are a cool dude.  People seem to be drawn to your charisma.  In fact when you take the Strength Finders test - you will discover that one of your key strengths is Woo.  People you meet think that you find it easy to relate to people - even those you just met.  You love this strength.  I will actually say that you thrive in your life because you think you are the coolest dude in the community that you live in.

Thing is - because this is how you perceive yourself,  any activity that you perceive that will lessen your cool factor just terrifies you.  You like singing - and you remember enjoying the moments when you sing in the church choir.  However - you stopped this because you felt that as much as you like singing,  it just gets too embrassing to be surrounded by these church people who are not the typical people that you think a cool guy like you should hang out with.  This is why you stopped singing with Church choirs.   This is why you stopped singing in public altogether.

The above example is just one of the examples that I can think of which contributes to your inability to finding your passion.

You may ask why I'm bringing this up now.   I have thought about it because one of my first assignments for the first module of Live Off your Passion is to answer this question:

Identify one of the excuses that relates most to your situation and write down one positive reason why it might be nothing more than just that - a hollow excuse.

So the excuse that I thought was most applicable to my situation is:

I don't know what I'm passionate about.

I don't even fully grasp what passion actually means.  If you ask me, is there something that I do that I really enjoy doing - I will have three answers for you:  Singing,  Speaking to an audience,  having deep conversations with people.  I enjoy doing those things - but is that passion?

The second half of that assignment is to identify a reason why this statement of "I don't know what I'm passionate about" may just be an excuse.  Here is my answer to that question (for now):

I think that the truth that I may actually be saying that I don't know what I'm passionate about is that I find people who do passionate things corny.  Or at least - when I'm surrounded by my friends - I act as if I find passionate people corny.  In the Filipino language - we find them "baduy".  They can be off-putting.  As I said above - at the start of this letter,  you and I have put so much value in being perceived as the cool guy that it is very hard for us to want to do things that will make us uncool.   And being a person who acts on his passion can really be uncool.

Now - let me tell you this - that passionate people are actually not uncool.  In fact - the reason why I have been drawn to the blog "Live your Legend" and the blog "Nerd Fitness"  and the blog "Zen Habits" is that I really thought the guys who write these blog are so cool.  I think they are rock stars.  But if they are rock stars - why do I think that being like them will be "baduy"?

For now - I am not sure i can answer that question.   I will actually continue with the course and see if I find the answer.  I really hope that I find the answer because I am hoping that finding it can be one of the keys to door that keeps me from Living off of my Passion (whatever that may be ).

WIth much Love,

Your Forty Year Old Self

I Started Following Live Your Legend

Dear Thirty Year old me,

A couple of weeks ago,  I read a heartfelt post from Leo Babauta's blog: Zen Habits about the grief that he felt from the death of his friend Scott Dinsmore.  I have never heard of Scott before then.   To be honest - it is odd that I have not discovered him in the past because three other blogs that I follow are run by good friends of Scott:  Nerd Fitness,  JamesClear.com,  and The Art of NonConformity.   I don't know why I have not discovered Live Your Legend before Scott's death - I will not bother to try to understand that - but what's important for you to understand is that after discovering his blog,  I jumped in and read through his posts voraciously.

As I write this,  I am actually going through a paid course that I bought from Live Your Legend.   The course's name is Live Off Your Passion.  The course was worth $ 197.   To be honest - I'm not sure if this is going to be money well spent.  However - after reading Scott's and his friends' posts on how each and everyone of them are living lives where they actually get to earn a living from something they're passionate about,  I decided - why not take a chance on that $197 and see what I can learn from the course?

So I took a chance and bought the course.  I watched the introduction from Scott.  I watched his TED talks where he talked about how someone can live and earn from doing what they are passionate about.   I watched a video of Simon Sinek called How Great Leaders Inspire Action.  These videos,  the words that Scott wrote - spoke to my core.  I want that life.   I want the life where I can actually truly say that I am doing what I'm passionate about.   Take note that as much as I do want to earn from this endeavor - in my heart of hearts,  I know that this encounter with Scott's blog has awakened this feeling inside of me that had laid dormant.   I remember,  when I was younger that I had visions of myself being a great man - a man who helped others.   It had laid dormant because life happened - I started working,  I had a family to support,  I had debt to pay,  I had a lifestyle to sustain.   And so as I aged from being the bright eyed twenty year old gung-ho and inspired to do great work --- I grew older and I reached the age of 30 and that bright eyed me as you know has changed into this weary soul.   I'm telling you - I really hope that with this hard earned $ 197 that I spent on the Live Off Your Passion course,  I will be able to discover that bright eyed man that I used to be.

I will keep you posted.   This may actually be one helluva ride.

Truly Yours,

Your Four Year Old Self

The Mañana Habit

Dear Thirty Year old Me,

In my previous e-mail,  I confessed that I am a Procrastinator.  I have proclaimed to the whole world that I have the mañana habit.  In this entry, I would like to explain to you my reasons for trying to kick the habit.

1. Mañana/Procrastination is an expensive Habit.

I used to be a smoker.  I'm happy to say that it's one bad habit that I successfully got out of my system since the year 2010.  It was an expensive Habit - a pack a day can lead to expenses of up to 1,200 pesos a month.

That is actually nothing to the expense that I incur from the Mañana habit.  Let's start with the late fees that I often pay for my bills.  I have actually paid so many late fees for my credit card, my electricity, mobile phone subscription, and internet fees.

Apart from the late fees - I also incur unnecessary expenses from not terminating services that I no longer use.  For example ( and this one I'm working on ) - I left my previous house in June 2013.  Up to now, I have not disconnected my phone and internet service.   So it's been 7 months that I've been paying for a phone and internet service that I am not using.

2.  Procrastination Leads to Unnecessary Stress That Poses Danger to my Health

I have expressed in my previous post that from the outside looking in - you may actually think that I do not have problems with Procrastination.  I am a successful guy.  Most of the bosses that I worked for love working with me and they love the result of my work.

Unbeknownst to my bosses - most of the time - I actually have to spend sleepless nights two to three days prior to my deadlines when I turn in my work.  This could be the annual budget for next year.  It could be the written appraisal for my team.   The output is typically superior ( although every time I wish and I knew that I could have done better.   Sleepless nights are not good for my health.  Those sleepless nights and the act of cramming also leads to me skipping my lunch and eating snacks that are not good for my health.

3.  Postponing decisions Causes Lost Opportunities

Back in the year 2000 - I was convinced by a very persuasive real estate agent to invest on a condominium unit in Makati.  It had easy monthly payment terms.  The problem is that after 2 years - I will have to pay for the unit.  You can actually get a loan for that if the monthly payments that I paid prior to that was equivalent to at least 20% of the total amount of the loan.  Unfortunately - the easy monthly payment terms were just 15% of the amount that I needed.  So I cannot get a loan from the bank.   I could have addressed this by saving up on my own --- but saving money is another problem that a procrastinator has.  Long story short - I defaulted on the investment - and I forfeited the money that I have already paid for the property.

The same thing happened to some insurance and retirement investment that I ended up defaulting because I let the monthly payments go past due.

4.  I am not Getting Any Younger

People say that age is just a number --- but it is a significant number.   At my current age - I will be at retirement age sooner that we all think.  If I don't get my financials and my life in order --- I may end up without money to spend when I do retire.

Moreover - the fountain of youth has not been discovered.  As one ages - our body could not handle the same amount of stress that we used to be able to handle when we were young.   My biological clock is going TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK - and it's telling me that I really don't have time to just waste the time that I have.

These are the four main reasons why I want to kick the habit.  I want to get things done timely.  I want to face the Procrastination monster and look into it's eyes and say - "I am going to defeat you."

With much Love,

The forty year old you