Monday, March 23, 2015

Why do I Procrastinate

Dear Thirty Year Old Me,

When dealing with problems - it's good to look for the root cause.  In the case of my procrastination problem - I've tried so many times in the past to deal with it by telling myself that if I just gain the "discipline" to get things done on time,  I will solve this problem.  Since I'm writing this blog right now - you may actually have realized that this approach wasn't successful.   So I told myself - I need help in understanding the nature of the beast.   What is it about procrastination that makes it difficult for me to solve?

Like any civilized person in our day and age - who is trying to solve a problem - the first thing that I did was to google the following:  "How can I solve my Problems with Procrastination?".   There were many entries that appeared but what caught my eye is the book: "Procrastination, Why You Do It and What to Do About it Now".   The book was originally written and published in 1983 and was republished in 2008.  The concepts that the authors talked about in 1983 were still relevant ( if not more relevant ) in the year that we live in.   For someone like me - Procrastination has become much more of a problem - especially with the distractions that are presented by the Internet.

Reading the book,  there were so many times that I actually felt that I was part of the community of people that the authors (Jane Burka and Leonora Yuen) spoke to when they were conducting their study.  It was as if they were reading my mind during those moments that I procrastinate.  One good example is when they wrote about the Procrastinator's Code - which I am publishing in this entry. 

      I must be perfect.
      Everything I do should go easily and without effort.
      It's safer to do nothing than to take a risk and fail.
      I should have no limitations.
      If it's not done right,  it's not worth doing at all.
      I must avoid being challenged.
      If I succeed someone will get hurt.
      If I do well this time,  I must always do well.
      Following someone else's rule means I'm giving in and I'm not in control.
      I can't afford to let go of anything or anyone.
      If I show my real self, people won't like me.
      There is a right answer, and I'll wait until I find it.


As I read these statements,  I actually understood why I have a horrible time kicking the Manana Habit.  Growing up,  my family ( and in the Filipino context - that actually means extended family ), values perfection.   When I was in High School - my uncles will chide me for studying and being engrossed in school - when they know that I'm a smart kid - and I can get by with high grades even if I don't prepare for exams.  My family ( and as I got older - even myself ) - will look down at the students who gets good grades because they worked hard.   We ended up thinking that we are "Privileged" and we shouldn't be working too hard because we have God-given gifts.

This lead me to believe that if I don't have a natural talent for something - or my natural talent will not get the best product/result - I'd rather not do it.  Unfortunately - as one grows up you face situations where you need to get things done that is outside of your God-given gifts.  

I never admitted this before ---- but after I read the book --- I realized that I'm not very good in failing.   Looking back at my childhood - I can think of a key moment that may have scarred me for life.   When I was in 3rd and 4th grade - I finished first in class.  On my 5th year - someone else in my class was just better and worked harder - and I ended up 2nd in class.  My father saw that as a failure.   He refused to pin my 2nd place medal.   I was disappointed and deeply hurt.  I actually worked hard for that 2nd place finish - as I said - the one who got first place was just better.

From then on - I started to be afraid of exerting full effort in my academics.   I started to distract myself from it by going to extra-curricular activities.  I was part of the Glee club - and I enjoyed being "excused" from classes to practice for the Glee club.  Of course - if you're not in class - you have an excuse when you don't get 100 items right in your exam.   From there - my father thought that what's causing my inability to get good grades is the Glee club --- and it was no longer about my abilities.  Long story short - I ended up 2nd place - which surprisingly was ok with my father because in the end - I wasn't giving it my all.
As a grown up - these memories still haunt me.   It isn't a conscious thought - but I do know that I ended up delaying execution of tasks till the last minute - for activities that I am not sure I will be successful with.   I don't want to disappoint someone - so I end up delaying crucial conversations.   I am not sure - I will be good in golf - so I stopped taking golf lessons.   I will not approach someone I'm attracted to for fear of being rejected.
In the last couple of weeks - this realization has actually helped me a lot.  I still have important things that are undone.   The good news is that I've made progress in some of the to-dos that I was trying to forget I need to do.   I will attempt to write about the steps that I took to deal with the root cause of my procrastination problem.   Someone once said that a journey starts with a single step ( forward ) - and I took those steps.

With much Love,

The Forty Year old You


If you are dealing with the same problem that I have - I encourage you to ask yourself what goes through your mind when you want to put off an activity?   From there - it can definitely help you figure out the energy that is feeding the Procrastination beast.  If you find that energy and stop it from flowing - you will have a better chance of taking the necessary steps to once and for all stop the Procrastination monster from hounding you.

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