I Want to Be Cool. I'm Afraid of being Uncool

Dear 30 Year Old Me,

You are a cool dude.  People seem to be drawn to your charisma.  In fact when you take the Strength Finders test - you will discover that one of your key strengths is Woo.  People you meet think that you find it easy to relate to people - even those you just met.  You love this strength.  I will actually say that you thrive in your life because you think you are the coolest dude in the community that you live in.

Thing is - because this is how you perceive yourself,  any activity that you perceive that will lessen your cool factor just terrifies you.  You like singing - and you remember enjoying the moments when you sing in the church choir.  However - you stopped this because you felt that as much as you like singing,  it just gets too embrassing to be surrounded by these church people who are not the typical people that you think a cool guy like you should hang out with.  This is why you stopped singing with Church choirs.   This is why you stopped singing in public altogether.

The above example is just one of the examples that I can think of which contributes to your inability to finding your passion.

You may ask why I'm bringing this up now.   I have thought about it because one of my first assignments for the first module of Live Off your Passion is to answer this question:

Identify one of the excuses that relates most to your situation and write down one positive reason why it might be nothing more than just that - a hollow excuse.

So the excuse that I thought was most applicable to my situation is:

I don't know what I'm passionate about.

I don't even fully grasp what passion actually means.  If you ask me, is there something that I do that I really enjoy doing - I will have three answers for you:  Singing,  Speaking to an audience,  having deep conversations with people.  I enjoy doing those things - but is that passion?

The second half of that assignment is to identify a reason why this statement of "I don't know what I'm passionate about" may just be an excuse.  Here is my answer to that question (for now):

I think that the truth that I may actually be saying that I don't know what I'm passionate about is that I find people who do passionate things corny.  Or at least - when I'm surrounded by my friends - I act as if I find passionate people corny.  In the Filipino language - we find them "baduy".  They can be off-putting.  As I said above - at the start of this letter,  you and I have put so much value in being perceived as the cool guy that it is very hard for us to want to do things that will make us uncool.   And being a person who acts on his passion can really be uncool.

Now - let me tell you this - that passionate people are actually not uncool.  In fact - the reason why I have been drawn to the blog "Live your Legend" and the blog "Nerd Fitness"  and the blog "Zen Habits" is that I really thought the guys who write these blog are so cool.  I think they are rock stars.  But if they are rock stars - why do I think that being like them will be "baduy"?

For now - I am not sure i can answer that question.   I will actually continue with the course and see if I find the answer.  I really hope that I find the answer because I am hoping that finding it can be one of the keys to door that keeps me from Living off of my Passion (whatever that may be ).

WIth much Love,

Your Forty Year Old Self